Awareness comes slowly to me in the mornings,this morning was different there was a heavy opague fog clouding my thoughts, masking the faint pulsating sensation that seemed to flow thru my body with the rhythm of my heart, bringing with it the heated,scorching path of fire, I felt hot as if someone had dunked me into a pit of fire and the inferno was consuming me, in that brief moment of complete awareness, the pain in my arm was throbbing and pulsating, I think I would have liked the fog to have kept that at a distance but nope there it was in all its living glory. I wanted to open my eyes but yet I did not, it felt as if someone had slipped crushed glass beneath the lids and boiled them. Maybe if I didn't move it would all just go away, or if I went back to sleep it would be a dream.
I knew that neither of these options would work, and I felt that nagging voice in my head pushing me to get up and move, that I knew better than to lay there, I had to work thru it, I knew this, but I wasn't to keen on hearing my inner voice push and prod at me, I wanted to be miserable in silence. However, that higher part of me won and slowly my eyes opened wincing a few times as I wondered if I ripped off the protective layer off my eyes as it felt like claws dragging across them. "That is what you get for not taking anything for pain and fever when you went to sleep." I heard myself say, I knew better, I should have prepared a drought for the rebound fever that was expected after an injury that is infected is cleansed and taken care of, I knew better. But I didn't heed my own advice. And I sure was paying for it now.
It took some effort to force myself to sit up,as the damp ebony tresses fell in a tangled mess about me I felt irritated, I knew it was just from how I was feeling and I needed to clean up. Ignoring the vehement protests of my body I would move to procure a simple oversized tunic that I had and my leathers, then finding some salt, and herbs and other items I made my way to the stream, it was early, the skies still dark with a hint of violet that spoke of the darkness soon to lose its battle with the light. I walked along the stream to a hidden area that I spent a lot of time in, very few knew of this spot so hidden was it, and most gathered farther down the stream.
Disrobing, I stepped into the water and sunk into it as far as I could letting the cold rush of liquid soothe not only my body but my mind, I would relax let my mind drift into the place of silence, allow my breathing to slow down and just let myself be lost in places beyond where I am now. It was some time later that I opened my eyes and reached for the blend of salt and herbs and quietly speaking words of the ancients I cleansed away the negative that clung to me and I renewed my mind,body and spirit. Though I still felt the fever grapple and struggle within me I felt a bit more human, with some effort I would move from the water and dry off and dress, each movement required a concentrated effort to take me back to my wagons, I had to smile a bit as lily left me a mug of black wine and a light breakfast, she was used to me being up early and must have seen me go to the stream, I appreciated the fact that she watched out for me in between taking care of things father and Chay needed. She did not overstep herself or bother me she simply here and there would do something when I needed it. She was one of the few that I did trust around me and even with her I kept a careful distance.
The day went as most have lately, I would sit with Cana for a few ahns, helping to care for her and ensuring that she did not have any sort of breakdown on the physical level, and I also lent her some of my energy to help her with the battle she was undergoing, the healers I knew had checked her and they ensured she had fluids and nutrition that was needed to sustain her, we worked together to ensure that all went smooth to lessen her burden. Hallie and Arkus helped with her children, and Hallie she took on this almost grown up stance of making sure that the kailla were taken care of, I had to smile at how she stepped up to help others of the clan and to take over the special ones Cana had been taking care of, I was proud of her and I knew her mentor would be to, sometimes as parents we wonder if what we do is right then they show us that we have not failed them. I felt a moment of sorrow, wishing Garyx could see how they have all stepped into themselves, they were not his by blood but he took care of them as if they had been. Although the pain of his loss has lessened, I still feel an emptiness, I have not yet resolved myself to walking my path of life alone. I find it is not something I want, but it is what has been set before me, I do not recall it being this hard to step back into isolation before. And that damn shadow warrior in visions is not helping any. I hate when the powers that be taunt you with hope.
I knew that neither of these options would work, and I felt that nagging voice in my head pushing me to get up and move, that I knew better than to lay there, I had to work thru it, I knew this, but I wasn't to keen on hearing my inner voice push and prod at me, I wanted to be miserable in silence. However, that higher part of me won and slowly my eyes opened wincing a few times as I wondered if I ripped off the protective layer off my eyes as it felt like claws dragging across them. "That is what you get for not taking anything for pain and fever when you went to sleep." I heard myself say, I knew better, I should have prepared a drought for the rebound fever that was expected after an injury that is infected is cleansed and taken care of, I knew better. But I didn't heed my own advice. And I sure was paying for it now.
It took some effort to force myself to sit up,as the damp ebony tresses fell in a tangled mess about me I felt irritated, I knew it was just from how I was feeling and I needed to clean up. Ignoring the vehement protests of my body I would move to procure a simple oversized tunic that I had and my leathers, then finding some salt, and herbs and other items I made my way to the stream, it was early, the skies still dark with a hint of violet that spoke of the darkness soon to lose its battle with the light. I walked along the stream to a hidden area that I spent a lot of time in, very few knew of this spot so hidden was it, and most gathered farther down the stream.
Disrobing, I stepped into the water and sunk into it as far as I could letting the cold rush of liquid soothe not only my body but my mind, I would relax let my mind drift into the place of silence, allow my breathing to slow down and just let myself be lost in places beyond where I am now. It was some time later that I opened my eyes and reached for the blend of salt and herbs and quietly speaking words of the ancients I cleansed away the negative that clung to me and I renewed my mind,body and spirit. Though I still felt the fever grapple and struggle within me I felt a bit more human, with some effort I would move from the water and dry off and dress, each movement required a concentrated effort to take me back to my wagons, I had to smile a bit as lily left me a mug of black wine and a light breakfast, she was used to me being up early and must have seen me go to the stream, I appreciated the fact that she watched out for me in between taking care of things father and Chay needed. She did not overstep herself or bother me she simply here and there would do something when I needed it. She was one of the few that I did trust around me and even with her I kept a careful distance.
The day went as most have lately, I would sit with Cana for a few ahns, helping to care for her and ensuring that she did not have any sort of breakdown on the physical level, and I also lent her some of my energy to help her with the battle she was undergoing, the healers I knew had checked her and they ensured she had fluids and nutrition that was needed to sustain her, we worked together to ensure that all went smooth to lessen her burden. Hallie and Arkus helped with her children, and Hallie she took on this almost grown up stance of making sure that the kailla were taken care of, I had to smile at how she stepped up to help others of the clan and to take over the special ones Cana had been taking care of, I was proud of her and I knew her mentor would be to, sometimes as parents we wonder if what we do is right then they show us that we have not failed them. I felt a moment of sorrow, wishing Garyx could see how they have all stepped into themselves, they were not his by blood but he took care of them as if they had been. Although the pain of his loss has lessened, I still feel an emptiness, I have not yet resolved myself to walking my path of life alone. I find it is not something I want, but it is what has been set before me, I do not recall it being this hard to step back into isolation before. And that damn shadow warrior in visions is not helping any. I hate when the powers that be taunt you with hope.
Not that I have to worry, because if what they reveal is to happen in the future, I will know who the right one is by certain words that will be spoken. So I am safe for a very long time.
After taking care of various chores I had and sitting in counsel with a few I made my way back to the main fires, I was tired, my mind was lingering on a couple that wanted some help with some personal issues, this would take me some thought on how to assist, I decided to relax and rest for a few as I said I would, I was doing less, which was resting for me. I still felt the lingering effects of being sensitive from the rawness of the layers being peeled away, I did not like these feelings that were returning, I liked them pushed far back away into my subconscious where I did not have to deal with them or see them, but parts of me were being stripped away I found myself closer to something, but what I was not sure, the control was slipping and I found an uncharacteristic fear of what was coming, there is little I fear but whatever this was that was being brought to me, I felt a fear, but why I do not yet know. It was not something bad that I could tell, but whatever it was it made me want to tuck tail and run as far as I could.
Enhansan and Sahnka joined me not much longer after that. Something was wrong I could tell and she told me that her father died, I felt the sorrow that was around her, I knew there were no words that I could say that would ease her pain, and I could tell she really did not want to talk so I was just there if she needed me. Sahnka seems to have issues I am not sure what they are, but I was not about to delve into whatever it was that he was playing. I am to old for such, after a few ehn he left, I don't know what his issues are with me, but they are his own, for whatever they are do not have to do with me, but with other things that he has not healed within himself, I don't get drawn into such things. He will have to stand up and be a man or lose a lot if he does not. Enhansan is good for him, hopefully he will open his eyes and step out of the past that haunts him and reach for life. I have a good feel of what could be if they reached out to each other and allowed the bond to merge and fuse.
The healer joined us, he had a caged vulo and seemed most pleased with himself, I did not expect his words that he bought himself a mate, I had to do a double take, bought a mate, now that is not something we usually do, its not unheard of for a man to ask a price and if met the woman is his, so I had to ask, what he meant is he paid a bride price, well isn't he a dark kailla, I didn't realize he was courting anyone, oddly enough I was just a bit disappointed to hear that. However, the more he spoke the faster that disappointment began to disappear, why I felt it in the first place I was not sure.
Seems he is going to mate Silks daughter, that was a shock, but it just kept getting better, he heard she was a beautiful woman with a gentle soul, and then he had to add, she was much younger than him,now that sounded to me that he felt she was malleable, controllable and had no spirit or fire. Well, now that just irritated me, another warrior that wants a young woman, what is the deal with that?
It is understandable for young ones but now the older ones were jumping on that band wagon, and why do they want ones that are young enough to still be timid,insipid and willing to do all they wants, cling to them and hang on every word , and if the man says to jump they ask how high, all these men go down this path, what happened to Tuchuk warriors that wanted a tuchuck woman, one that is full of fire, spirit, passion,life, intelligence, loyalty, and have experience and know how to stand by a warrior no matter what life hands them, to be supportive and there thru the good and bad, and so many other things.
Well now that just set me further on edge. Men wanted slaves not a woman, it was that simple in my mind, I actually thought he was different than most I have seen, damn I am rarely that wrong about anyone, I am pretty accurate in what I see of people. I left the fires before my mouth got me in trouble, how in the name of skies can you mate a woman you have never even met, that is just asking for trouble and pain.
He made some comment about sharp tongues, well being who and how I am, I told him he has yet to see a sharp tongue and I left to do some work, I had to get away because the sorrow of the others was draining me to much and I could only take so much before I took on the emotions and I was dangerously close to that. I was irritated with myself how could I be so off, that irritated me more than anything, and if I look closely enough I suppose I have to admit I was a bit disappointed. And I am not going to look any deeper to find out why. That is what I get for thinking of things that I should not.
Once I had my annoyance with myself controlled thru various tasks, I would make my way towards the stream.
Little did I realize what would be shown next. . .
After taking care of various chores I had and sitting in counsel with a few I made my way back to the main fires, I was tired, my mind was lingering on a couple that wanted some help with some personal issues, this would take me some thought on how to assist, I decided to relax and rest for a few as I said I would, I was doing less, which was resting for me. I still felt the lingering effects of being sensitive from the rawness of the layers being peeled away, I did not like these feelings that were returning, I liked them pushed far back away into my subconscious where I did not have to deal with them or see them, but parts of me were being stripped away I found myself closer to something, but what I was not sure, the control was slipping and I found an uncharacteristic fear of what was coming, there is little I fear but whatever this was that was being brought to me, I felt a fear, but why I do not yet know. It was not something bad that I could tell, but whatever it was it made me want to tuck tail and run as far as I could.
Enhansan and Sahnka joined me not much longer after that. Something was wrong I could tell and she told me that her father died, I felt the sorrow that was around her, I knew there were no words that I could say that would ease her pain, and I could tell she really did not want to talk so I was just there if she needed me. Sahnka seems to have issues I am not sure what they are, but I was not about to delve into whatever it was that he was playing. I am to old for such, after a few ehn he left, I don't know what his issues are with me, but they are his own, for whatever they are do not have to do with me, but with other things that he has not healed within himself, I don't get drawn into such things. He will have to stand up and be a man or lose a lot if he does not. Enhansan is good for him, hopefully he will open his eyes and step out of the past that haunts him and reach for life. I have a good feel of what could be if they reached out to each other and allowed the bond to merge and fuse.
The healer joined us, he had a caged vulo and seemed most pleased with himself, I did not expect his words that he bought himself a mate, I had to do a double take, bought a mate, now that is not something we usually do, its not unheard of for a man to ask a price and if met the woman is his, so I had to ask, what he meant is he paid a bride price, well isn't he a dark kailla, I didn't realize he was courting anyone, oddly enough I was just a bit disappointed to hear that. However, the more he spoke the faster that disappointment began to disappear, why I felt it in the first place I was not sure.
Seems he is going to mate Silks daughter, that was a shock, but it just kept getting better, he heard she was a beautiful woman with a gentle soul, and then he had to add, she was much younger than him,now that sounded to me that he felt she was malleable, controllable and had no spirit or fire. Well, now that just irritated me, another warrior that wants a young woman, what is the deal with that?
It is understandable for young ones but now the older ones were jumping on that band wagon, and why do they want ones that are young enough to still be timid,insipid and willing to do all they wants, cling to them and hang on every word , and if the man says to jump they ask how high, all these men go down this path, what happened to Tuchuk warriors that wanted a tuchuck woman, one that is full of fire, spirit, passion,life, intelligence, loyalty, and have experience and know how to stand by a warrior no matter what life hands them, to be supportive and there thru the good and bad, and so many other things.
Well now that just set me further on edge. Men wanted slaves not a woman, it was that simple in my mind, I actually thought he was different than most I have seen, damn I am rarely that wrong about anyone, I am pretty accurate in what I see of people. I left the fires before my mouth got me in trouble, how in the name of skies can you mate a woman you have never even met, that is just asking for trouble and pain.
He made some comment about sharp tongues, well being who and how I am, I told him he has yet to see a sharp tongue and I left to do some work, I had to get away because the sorrow of the others was draining me to much and I could only take so much before I took on the emotions and I was dangerously close to that. I was irritated with myself how could I be so off, that irritated me more than anything, and if I look closely enough I suppose I have to admit I was a bit disappointed. And I am not going to look any deeper to find out why. That is what I get for thinking of things that I should not.
Once I had my annoyance with myself controlled thru various tasks, I would make my way towards the stream.
Little did I realize what would be shown next. . .
