I found I was restless again, something lingered in the air and it had nothing to do with Cana or Ba'atar, it had to do with the one that was out there waiting, I saw more and more of the story of the past, the ancient story that none of the Haruspex will speak of, there were six, that keeps dancing in my head. Six what? I wondered and what did it have to do with the dark one. There was no answer forthcoming, but I knew there was something that none of us knew of, there is a missing piece of history that is not spoken of. I need to find it.. We need to find it.
I lost myself in work as I often do, there is always something to keep you busy on the plains, I sat with the younger children telling stories, they were light and humorous designed to make them laugh. I watched the youngest ones as their eyes would sparkle and shimmer with life and happiness.It was the gift of a childs smile or laugh that was priceless. Perhaps one day I might be gifted with more. Time will tell what the future brings.
I had talked with Fonce at the main fires while sitting with my father and others. He was going to take Rook and Also with him, why I am not sure, but I suspected it had to do with helping Cana, I asked what he needed of me, he wanted me to remain with Cana on the physical level to be there when she woke up. That I could do, although I really wanted to do more. I would do as he asked. There was a discussion on the children and where they would all be, a few offered to take one or two which seemed to cause some tension, now I do not know what is going on between two young souls but I can tell you it is starting to grate on my nerves I am close to taking each one by the ear and locking them in a small space until they settle it one way or another. I was in agreement with Fonce they should all be together, Mezoo has been helping along with Ayguili so they would remain with her while I stayed with Cana.
I had been with Cana for a few ahns, taking care of her and letting my hand hold hers, maybe as a lifeline or just letting her know I was there. A moan echoed in the wagon and I saw her to my relief open her eyes, within a few ihn later Fonce arrived with Also. I listened to their words and gleaned a few things. After giving her some water and ensuring she was alright, she told me Ba'atar would did not make it, it would not be announced to anyone until the children and Ayguili knew. I knew he would return but I was not entirely sure in what manner now I did. I felt my heartbreak for Cana and I felt my heartbreak for the loss of a freind.
I departed leaving Fonce with Cana knowing that many would be coming to visit when they learned she was awake, the converstation was one I did not think I needed to be a part of it was clear it was something only the two of them understood, though I could glean bits and pieces of some things. It was sort of strange to hear Fonce thank me for all I did, I was not sure what he was speaking of, I did nothing to help and said as much he seemed to take that as a surprise. I must be missing something, I was telling the truth, what I did was nothing, taking care of her was as easy as taking care of my own children or patients I did many turnings ago.
I went to find my father and Mezoo to let them know that she was awake.. then I went to my wagons and I sat on the steps late into the night. My thoughts lingered on Cana for some time, thinking of what she must have gone thru, and what she must feel now with the loss of Ba'atar, I understood that pain and loss, it came to me that Cana was in some ways mirroring my own, she has lost three mates and I have lost a few more than that, but still it is never easy. She has her children which are a blessing in my mind and she has my father there and so many others, she will survive it, I know she will, she is strong.
I thought to Ayguili and how he may feel when he learns and his family, the loss of a child is one of the hardest things to endure, I think in some ways it is harder than losing a mate, I still feel the pain of mine that have died, the emptiness that comes from not seeing them become more. To be taken away in their youth, that never did make sense to me, parents are supposed to die before children. The loss of a sibling that must be hard, I have not loss any of mine to death, but I do not see them. My thoughts will be with Ayguili and his family I will have to go by and see them to make sure all is good and to see if Mezoo needs help.
Finally, I thought to Ba'atar, he was a freind, one I enjoyed conversations with and shared a variety of thoughts, I recall his not understanding women and how I had to educate him on the small things, he listened I knew, after all he got the blue flowers for Cana. He was the one that was there to help me bring Garyx back, he would not let me give in to the sorrow and give up, in fact he was stubborn about the fact that I not let it destroy me, that I was needed. So I have to question, why did they take him, why not one of us that was older and had done so much and been thru much, why someone so young. I will mourn the loss of a friend quietly and in my own way.
I know that once Cana has a chance to tell Ayguili and the children they will send out the announcement, for now I know that no one is aware of his death and I will not speak of it.
(Please respect Cana's sl and not use my post to play you know, suspect of have heard or feel knowledge of Ba'atars fate ,until she and Ayguili have announced it there is no way for anyone to know unless Fonce or Cana have told you of it. thank you for your help in facilitating her sl.)
