Darkness falls over the circle of my wagons as I sit here in the quiet of them. I placed the small herlit on the platform of the Haruspex wagon, protecting him because he was not the subject of my anger at the moment, and as I walked to one of the other wagons, I kicked the wheel expressing a few colorful curses as I did. I threw a few pots and pans at another one and a few blades. I was pissed.. I was hurt.. and I was disappointed. A few slaves near by scattered, some had been close to my wagon given I haven't been tormenting or killing them ,but right now that could change, I could easily skin one and leave them writhing in agony with little thought. And they were afraid of that. Yet one or two lingered in case I needed anything. What I needed was a very big stick.. or borrow Cana's spoon.
"That is what I get for even contemplating anything, that is what I get for even trying to open up" I was ticked at Ongel, how could he think I would reveal something so personal in front of others. " That is what I get for even thinking to trust. Now I remember why I do not speak of anything to anyone."
Why would he want me to speak of such things and then call me a teaser and compare me to other free women. That caused another array of utensils and curses to rent the air. "I'm not a tease, I don't play that came, is he that blind he couldn't see that the nature of the discussion wasn't one to have like that.? " I felt myself rant a bit more, " And to say just like a free woman, what does that mean, his words hurt, more than I care to admit. Damn bosk ass."
Finally, I would sit down and just rest my head on my knees. The night had started out so nice and fun, well if he wanted to keep me at a distance he just did it, I will be careful of what I say from now on. I am a very deeply private person, I sure as hell don't want others to know what I might like on a sexual level. I am not some slut he can just disrespect in such a way.. "Damn how in the hell was I so wrong" I had thought him better than that, I thought him different, but I guess not, but it is clear it did not matter how I was feeling or why I felt it and I felt as if it was all about what he wanted.
I was enjoying the banter and the teasing, he had brought a basket with an array of food and some juice, it was a drink I have not had before, it had a unique taste to it. The conversation was interesting and had depth to it, something I enjoy. Though he is as good as I am with the evasive maneuvers on some things. He also brought me the herlit feathers and he in truth did more than just that, he had found a baby herlit and took care of it and brought it to me. Now this, this meant much to me. To me the sky guided him and helped him that was a good omen. He asked various questions of my past mates and children I answered the questions careful to not go into the detail of some things, partly because it was in the past a long ago past and partly because it had no bearing on what he was asking. He has intelligence and seems to enjoy these types of discussions. We spoke of how I thought a woman protected things. I thought maybe he felt what seemed to flow easy between us, the ability to relax and be ourselves and speak of anything and everything.
Now there was the measuring we needed to do for the wager, well, I have to admit I took advantage of that, of course I did what woman would not, my fingers brushed along his skin as I brought the string around him, I knew it affected him I could tell by his breathing and his words. Then he measured me, and lightening would strike me down if I said I did not feel something as his fingers drew across my skin as he brought the string around me and knotted it. This lead to an exchange of words, well, lets face it I am not good at flirting I am only me, so I spoke what was in my head, he was put together very well and he also still smelled good, granted not original or even flirtatiously witty as some are, but it was the truth. And well that is what makes me,. . me.
Somewhere along the way got onto the topic of touch and fear, I do not fear passion or a mans touch, I am no frigid cold bitch either afraid to show and enjoy my pleasures with a man I am mated to, that does not mean I would fur a man not my mate, that is not me though more than a few have done this and think it is not known. Some would say this would make me a slave, it doesn't, it merely makes me a woman. In this discussion he spoke of some things to fear with touch, I wanted to know what. What could inspire fear from a touch between two people, I caught the phrase of hurt when he spoke of his first mate. Well, this is where I have some of my own thoughts, pain and pleasure are often partnered or separate cause one or the other, there is pleasure so intense that it is painful. There is also the stimulation of pain that excites and adds to pleasure. He said it was not something he could speak of but could only show, well damn, that sort of sucked I really wanted to know more. I am naturally curious I cant help it, it is how I am. This is where everything went down hill.
Others joined us at the fire, now, I have been better at sharing myself and letting parts of me seen, but there are some personal private things no I wont. And his question of spanking, I would have answered it in a different way had others not been present, it does not mean I am ashamed as he insinuated, it just means that it isn't something I want everyone to know. Why would I want Tasco to know these things, or Yamka, Fonce and others, oh hell no, I do not. Nothing against them but it just isn't something you share. That is personal, private, I am not some slut that bandies about her needs, wants and such.. And he had the audacity to call me a teaser like a free woman. That hurt. And that showed me that he did not respect that I did not want everyone and their damn brother to know these things. It isn't something they need to know.
"Fuck." I muttered as I sat down, it was the only word that fit. I felt myself sigh, it was going to be a long night I cant sleep when upset.
And he just kept pushing me into a corner, I don't like being pushed into a corner, normally I would come out with my claws out and go for the jugular. Instead, I just got up and left. Not that it mattered, he had his sport at my expense. I was foolish and stupid to think I could open up to people. I was stupid and foolish to think that there was an attraction that might lead to something more. Simply put. I am just a damn old fool. And yet I find him in my thoughts outside of what I was currently feeling. "Damn arrogant, stubborn bosk ass."
Kicking and throwing things isn't enough, it isn't working I really want to slap him silly and take his sweets he is so fond of and smash it in his face and shove it up his arse so far he will see it coming out. I took Eclipse and packed a few things and decided to go for a ride. Nudging him I would ride him as fast and as hard as I could. I did not care how far I went or where I ended up , I just needed to do something, so I don't hurt anyone. I felt the wind pluck tendrils of hair from the braid, eventually I would slow down and sit watching the plains,the moons bathed it in a silvery light illuminating it and creating a diaphanous shroud of mystery over it. I wiped the tears from my eyes still muttering under my breath.
As a voice in my head tugged and pushed, asking why did it upset me. I had no answer. I just felt sort of lost, it was better to remain silent and hidden behind those walls, I know how to navigate those waters.
I find myself a bit confused..
"That is what I get for even contemplating anything, that is what I get for even trying to open up" I was ticked at Ongel, how could he think I would reveal something so personal in front of others. " That is what I get for even thinking to trust. Now I remember why I do not speak of anything to anyone."
Why would he want me to speak of such things and then call me a teaser and compare me to other free women. That caused another array of utensils and curses to rent the air. "I'm not a tease, I don't play that came, is he that blind he couldn't see that the nature of the discussion wasn't one to have like that.? " I felt myself rant a bit more, " And to say just like a free woman, what does that mean, his words hurt, more than I care to admit. Damn bosk ass."
Finally, I would sit down and just rest my head on my knees. The night had started out so nice and fun, well if he wanted to keep me at a distance he just did it, I will be careful of what I say from now on. I am a very deeply private person, I sure as hell don't want others to know what I might like on a sexual level. I am not some slut he can just disrespect in such a way.. "Damn how in the hell was I so wrong" I had thought him better than that, I thought him different, but I guess not, but it is clear it did not matter how I was feeling or why I felt it and I felt as if it was all about what he wanted.
I was enjoying the banter and the teasing, he had brought a basket with an array of food and some juice, it was a drink I have not had before, it had a unique taste to it. The conversation was interesting and had depth to it, something I enjoy. Though he is as good as I am with the evasive maneuvers on some things. He also brought me the herlit feathers and he in truth did more than just that, he had found a baby herlit and took care of it and brought it to me. Now this, this meant much to me. To me the sky guided him and helped him that was a good omen. He asked various questions of my past mates and children I answered the questions careful to not go into the detail of some things, partly because it was in the past a long ago past and partly because it had no bearing on what he was asking. He has intelligence and seems to enjoy these types of discussions. We spoke of how I thought a woman protected things. I thought maybe he felt what seemed to flow easy between us, the ability to relax and be ourselves and speak of anything and everything.
Now there was the measuring we needed to do for the wager, well, I have to admit I took advantage of that, of course I did what woman would not, my fingers brushed along his skin as I brought the string around him, I knew it affected him I could tell by his breathing and his words. Then he measured me, and lightening would strike me down if I said I did not feel something as his fingers drew across my skin as he brought the string around me and knotted it. This lead to an exchange of words, well, lets face it I am not good at flirting I am only me, so I spoke what was in my head, he was put together very well and he also still smelled good, granted not original or even flirtatiously witty as some are, but it was the truth. And well that is what makes me,. . me.
Somewhere along the way got onto the topic of touch and fear, I do not fear passion or a mans touch, I am no frigid cold bitch either afraid to show and enjoy my pleasures with a man I am mated to, that does not mean I would fur a man not my mate, that is not me though more than a few have done this and think it is not known. Some would say this would make me a slave, it doesn't, it merely makes me a woman. In this discussion he spoke of some things to fear with touch, I wanted to know what. What could inspire fear from a touch between two people, I caught the phrase of hurt when he spoke of his first mate. Well, this is where I have some of my own thoughts, pain and pleasure are often partnered or separate cause one or the other, there is pleasure so intense that it is painful. There is also the stimulation of pain that excites and adds to pleasure. He said it was not something he could speak of but could only show, well damn, that sort of sucked I really wanted to know more. I am naturally curious I cant help it, it is how I am. This is where everything went down hill.
Others joined us at the fire, now, I have been better at sharing myself and letting parts of me seen, but there are some personal private things no I wont. And his question of spanking, I would have answered it in a different way had others not been present, it does not mean I am ashamed as he insinuated, it just means that it isn't something I want everyone to know. Why would I want Tasco to know these things, or Yamka, Fonce and others, oh hell no, I do not. Nothing against them but it just isn't something you share. That is personal, private, I am not some slut that bandies about her needs, wants and such.. And he had the audacity to call me a teaser like a free woman. That hurt. And that showed me that he did not respect that I did not want everyone and their damn brother to know these things. It isn't something they need to know.
"Fuck." I muttered as I sat down, it was the only word that fit. I felt myself sigh, it was going to be a long night I cant sleep when upset.
And he just kept pushing me into a corner, I don't like being pushed into a corner, normally I would come out with my claws out and go for the jugular. Instead, I just got up and left. Not that it mattered, he had his sport at my expense. I was foolish and stupid to think I could open up to people. I was stupid and foolish to think that there was an attraction that might lead to something more. Simply put. I am just a damn old fool. And yet I find him in my thoughts outside of what I was currently feeling. "Damn arrogant, stubborn bosk ass."
Kicking and throwing things isn't enough, it isn't working I really want to slap him silly and take his sweets he is so fond of and smash it in his face and shove it up his arse so far he will see it coming out. I took Eclipse and packed a few things and decided to go for a ride. Nudging him I would ride him as fast and as hard as I could. I did not care how far I went or where I ended up , I just needed to do something, so I don't hurt anyone. I felt the wind pluck tendrils of hair from the braid, eventually I would slow down and sit watching the plains,the moons bathed it in a silvery light illuminating it and creating a diaphanous shroud of mystery over it. I wiped the tears from my eyes still muttering under my breath.
As a voice in my head tugged and pushed, asking why did it upset me. I had no answer. I just felt sort of lost, it was better to remain silent and hidden behind those walls, I know how to navigate those waters.
I find myself a bit confused..
