I walked along the row of wagons until I neared Cana's the night was quiet yet you could hear laughter in the air as children played after a days hard work, the sounds of bosk hung with a comforting familiarity in the air. I found Cana sitting on the platform of her wagon. She looked as if her thoughts were far away, I saw the dried tears that left tell tale signs on her cheeks. My heart broke for her, I wish there was something I could do that would lift her up and away from everything. I climbed up the steps of her wagon and moved to sit beside her, noticing her fingers trembling as they held a bowl. I would lift my hand to cover hers, and ask her if she would like to tell me how she was really feeling, not the standard answer she gave others, you can fool someone who uses that same tactic to hide how they really feel.
I rested my head against hers as she placed hers on my shoulder, she shared with me how she was feeling, what she was feeling, and I listened quietly, just being there for her to lean on. There was some confusion on something she felt, the other emotions I understood, but that one I was not sure of, and when she confided him me I could only smile a bit, it was a confession I am not surprised about. Her feelings regarding Fonce, I think I surprised her by not being surprised of it. Truth is I have watched the two for many turnings, and I have had my thoughts on various things. I did ask her if she spoke to him on this. We spoke on length many things on this and her thoughts. There are many complications in life and the heart is often in the middle.
I have watched him as he begins to explore feelings, I have watched him take those baby steps, now is what he feels for Seveya love. That is not something I can answer, I can only observe and see that he is learning to feel something. It is not for me to say is it long lasting or not. But at the same time I do not think unexplored emotions should be pushed aside, there is a bond between Cana and Fonce that no one will ever be able to touch for it transcends so much and it is stronger than anything anyone could give him. I know this to be true because I have watched over the period of time as each has gone thru various events in their lives. He has not I do not think allowed or even thought to explore that avenue for it was never open before. My thought is, if a door closes then damn well kick it down and open it.
She confided in me things that happened to her before, during and after her rescue. Now see, it appears he also spoke of his feelings for her to her. Now if this does not make me want to take a whip to both of them and beat sense into them. I wonder if he realizes that she could be the light to his darkness, the one that can and has balanced him over the turnings. I admire that he wants to protect her from himself and that dark side of him for that shows the depth of his feelings, to want to protect her. You can't fault him for that, for this shows what he has is very powerful and very deep. That he would be that before what he wants, to deny himself what could be. I admire it but I also want to kick him a good one to, for he could lose something he didn't know he had. Now I would love to interceder, I would love to sit and find a way to make things happen.
But I cannot, it is not something I am allowed to do, nor would I.. For none of us know what the sky has planned.
And each person will have to grow and learn and discover things, it could be their paths are destined to be shared or they may not, it could be he is destined to learn of love with another and then again maybe not. There is always the what ifs, the questions. That is why I do not interfere in either way, but I do know this, there is something between them that no matter who he is with, she will always be there. There will always be Cana and one day he may wake up and see just what he has had all this time. What a precious gift she is and just how strong and deep what they share is. Both fear looking at this, is my thought. There is safety in the escape of others.
It is a shame though that no one really gets to talk to him without a distraction inserting itself to create a wall of distance that prevents others from reaching out and spending time with them. Is there such insecurity and doubt that a constant vigil must be kept. It kind of makes me ponder many things. I encouraged her to talk to him. We shared thoughts on many things including of how Fonce asked for the bride price and of how he mentioned it was denied him. Somehow I had a feeling there was more to this than that. There are many things we spoke of until Ongel arrived. And just like others her confidence is in my keeping I will not share it and no one knows of the words we have shared.
He wanted to examine her and well she was not comfortable, I assured her I would stay. And I did, I listened and watched while he made sure she was alright. And then he departed just around the same time I did, I had to return to the clan as I had a lot of work to do yet.
It was a few days later I would find myself in the company of a new slave takara. She is from the cities, and is having to relearn much for our ways are very different, she seems willing to learn, I spoke with her for a while on various things. It was my thought that a Master would not want a mindless zombie, yes he wants his needs to be her focus which is how it should be, but they would always want to know what she feels or thinks. I think she understood but I am not sure. There are things I suggested she speak to her Master about to obtain his preferences as she should never assume for when you do that is a guarantee to screw up. I left her there at the stream as I went to finish up some things.
Eventually I would find myself at the main fires when suddenly Silk burst into focus, she was all flustered and upset. I had to ask and well, be careful of what you ask for, it seems she came upon Ayguili at the stream with two slaves and well she walked in upon him as he was taking his pleasure with them. I had to laugh I could not help it. Any woman of the tribe that tries to claim lack of knowledge of seeing such is lying. It is not uncommon to see a man take a slave along side a wagon, or other places. It is something they do and have for centuries. Though most try to ensure it is not at the main fires or do it on purpose or openly in front of a free woman or mate. She was trying to find a way to express herself . So what a man is furring a slave. I teased her about it when Seveya arrived lingering near by but not really close to be involved in any discussion. Seems she encountered the same scene from her expression. I should be sorry that this amused me. But I'm not.
I rested my head against hers as she placed hers on my shoulder, she shared with me how she was feeling, what she was feeling, and I listened quietly, just being there for her to lean on. There was some confusion on something she felt, the other emotions I understood, but that one I was not sure of, and when she confided him me I could only smile a bit, it was a confession I am not surprised about. Her feelings regarding Fonce, I think I surprised her by not being surprised of it. Truth is I have watched the two for many turnings, and I have had my thoughts on various things. I did ask her if she spoke to him on this. We spoke on length many things on this and her thoughts. There are many complications in life and the heart is often in the middle.
I have watched him as he begins to explore feelings, I have watched him take those baby steps, now is what he feels for Seveya love. That is not something I can answer, I can only observe and see that he is learning to feel something. It is not for me to say is it long lasting or not. But at the same time I do not think unexplored emotions should be pushed aside, there is a bond between Cana and Fonce that no one will ever be able to touch for it transcends so much and it is stronger than anything anyone could give him. I know this to be true because I have watched over the period of time as each has gone thru various events in their lives. He has not I do not think allowed or even thought to explore that avenue for it was never open before. My thought is, if a door closes then damn well kick it down and open it.
She confided in me things that happened to her before, during and after her rescue. Now see, it appears he also spoke of his feelings for her to her. Now if this does not make me want to take a whip to both of them and beat sense into them. I wonder if he realizes that she could be the light to his darkness, the one that can and has balanced him over the turnings. I admire that he wants to protect her from himself and that dark side of him for that shows the depth of his feelings, to want to protect her. You can't fault him for that, for this shows what he has is very powerful and very deep. That he would be that before what he wants, to deny himself what could be. I admire it but I also want to kick him a good one to, for he could lose something he didn't know he had. Now I would love to interceder, I would love to sit and find a way to make things happen.
But I cannot, it is not something I am allowed to do, nor would I.. For none of us know what the sky has planned.
And each person will have to grow and learn and discover things, it could be their paths are destined to be shared or they may not, it could be he is destined to learn of love with another and then again maybe not. There is always the what ifs, the questions. That is why I do not interfere in either way, but I do know this, there is something between them that no matter who he is with, she will always be there. There will always be Cana and one day he may wake up and see just what he has had all this time. What a precious gift she is and just how strong and deep what they share is. Both fear looking at this, is my thought. There is safety in the escape of others.
It is a shame though that no one really gets to talk to him without a distraction inserting itself to create a wall of distance that prevents others from reaching out and spending time with them. Is there such insecurity and doubt that a constant vigil must be kept. It kind of makes me ponder many things. I encouraged her to talk to him. We shared thoughts on many things including of how Fonce asked for the bride price and of how he mentioned it was denied him. Somehow I had a feeling there was more to this than that. There are many things we spoke of until Ongel arrived. And just like others her confidence is in my keeping I will not share it and no one knows of the words we have shared.
He wanted to examine her and well she was not comfortable, I assured her I would stay. And I did, I listened and watched while he made sure she was alright. And then he departed just around the same time I did, I had to return to the clan as I had a lot of work to do yet.
It was a few days later I would find myself in the company of a new slave takara. She is from the cities, and is having to relearn much for our ways are very different, she seems willing to learn, I spoke with her for a while on various things. It was my thought that a Master would not want a mindless zombie, yes he wants his needs to be her focus which is how it should be, but they would always want to know what she feels or thinks. I think she understood but I am not sure. There are things I suggested she speak to her Master about to obtain his preferences as she should never assume for when you do that is a guarantee to screw up. I left her there at the stream as I went to finish up some things.
Eventually I would find myself at the main fires when suddenly Silk burst into focus, she was all flustered and upset. I had to ask and well, be careful of what you ask for, it seems she came upon Ayguili at the stream with two slaves and well she walked in upon him as he was taking his pleasure with them. I had to laugh I could not help it. Any woman of the tribe that tries to claim lack of knowledge of seeing such is lying. It is not uncommon to see a man take a slave along side a wagon, or other places. It is something they do and have for centuries. Though most try to ensure it is not at the main fires or do it on purpose or openly in front of a free woman or mate. She was trying to find a way to express herself . So what a man is furring a slave. I teased her about it when Seveya arrived lingering near by but not really close to be involved in any discussion. Seems she encountered the same scene from her expression. I should be sorry that this amused me. But I'm not.
Sex is just that sex. It is different when you have emotion attached to it, the kind that comes from sharing your life together, having children and sharing in all the ups and downs of life. That is when it becomes so much more. And between a man and woman. There are no barriers.
I spoke to Silk of various things,I get the impression that things are a bit rocky with her and Ash, she spoke of what a perfect man would be. I had to say I did not want a perfect man, for in truth someone that is perfect would be rather boring. Where would be the adventure in learning each other and discovering the flaws that make the person, the person you love. Where would be the joy in exploration of every nuance and every imperfection if a man was perfect. No I want one that isn't perfect, I want the flaws and everything that comes with that. But I did suggest to her that if she peeled away the layers she would find the gem that would be perfection, for isn't it the imperfections that make a gem unique, beautiful and desirable. I think the same is of people. Life and love is not about achieving perfection it is about living, learning and exploring.
Though when Ayguili arrived a bit later, I had a hard time looking at him without the visuals popping into my mind. Damn women...
I spoke to Silk of various things,I get the impression that things are a bit rocky with her and Ash, she spoke of what a perfect man would be. I had to say I did not want a perfect man, for in truth someone that is perfect would be rather boring. Where would be the adventure in learning each other and discovering the flaws that make the person, the person you love. Where would be the joy in exploration of every nuance and every imperfection if a man was perfect. No I want one that isn't perfect, I want the flaws and everything that comes with that. But I did suggest to her that if she peeled away the layers she would find the gem that would be perfection, for isn't it the imperfections that make a gem unique, beautiful and desirable. I think the same is of people. Life and love is not about achieving perfection it is about living, learning and exploring.
Though when Ayguili arrived a bit later, I had a hard time looking at him without the visuals popping into my mind. Damn women...
