The gentle sound of the stream touched my ears even before it was within my line of vision. While I am a part of all the elements in a way that not even all of the clan understands, I do favor a couple, fire I think would be for the obvious reasons, however, it is the water that has always been my savior in may instances and has more than likely saved a few lives in the process.
I sat down on the embankment and removed my boots and rolled up my leathers and let my feet delve into the water and felt it caress the flesh in a cool liquid touch, closing my eyes I let myself surrender to the currents letting it carry my thoughts and emotions. There were many of them beneath the surface, so many that I do not reveal or speak of, the depth of them truly unknown to everyone. I felt the sharp cut of loneliness slice thru my heart and soul. Letting my fingers worry the ground beneath them I tried to keep my thoughts and emotions in check. I have had more than an envar to get used to life without my mate. Many mistakenly think I am so strong and do not need anything. How I wish that was true. Unfortunately, it is not. But I have that really bad flaw of stubborn pride, I don't ask anything of anyone, for various reasons that have developed over time. That is the fault of Garyx, he brought things to me that I had long ago suppressed, he loved me no matter what. He showed me not to fear things I felt, but how to redirect them and think of them in different ways. He would talk to me not at me or above me or around me, he would listen and I do not mean hearing, he truly listened, sometimes picking up things of me that even I did not know of a situation or of myself. So many things that he did even without knowing it that allowed the softer side of me to flourish and grow, he forced out the demons that I could command with ease to build walls and isolation. The pain of that emptiness is sometimes unbearable, I am not entirely comfortable among so many falling in love and getting mated, not because I am against it, I am all for people having the courage to express emotions and share them with another and to find that strength and all encompassing feeling of the love of another, and if they are lucky to experience unconditional love. There is no power greater and nothing stronger or more enduring.
I am merely envious, a rare emotion for me, but I feel it just a bit, I find myself wishing I still had such a relationship. But, it is gone, snatched away in its youth, something that will never return, I have a hard time resolving myself to being alone, but I know that it is the path I now walk, I have locked my heart up, protecting it even though it struggles to be released sort of like a wounded animal. I try to build those walls back up but they will not remain in place. I have grown quieter than I used to be, only because of things I see and hear, I have yet to truly decide my fate, it leans strongly in one direction and it is one that few would think me capable of exercising. Too many things I see that are not right, but I remain silent, I have learned the harsh lesson on speaking of what I feel and think, see when you speak the truth you are on some level ostracized, I have felt this for a long time contrary to the words that a few speak that state other wise, to me actions and words must match, I have not seen such. My true thoughts would anger quite a few, which is why I remain silent.
My thoughts were interrupted by the footsteps of someone, someone in a hurry, an air of tension crackled about them as if they were ready to burst. So, I turned to look and saw a woman nearing me, with one look at her haggard expression I had a feeling she had not had any sleep for some time, in her arms was a crying baby, and not just crying he was doing that insane screaming that young babies do at a certain age, the type that cuts into you and no matter what you do it does not work. I remember those nights with a few of mine, your very patience is pushed to its limits and you want to pull your hair out. The first time I experienced it I was all of 18 turnings, what a rude awakening to parenthood. "You are Tarra? " she would ask, I would nod wondering who she was, " one of the other women sent me to find you they said you could help me."
I was curious as to who would send her and why, but I would listen as she spoke of how for the past few weeks of how irritated and upset she was,and the baby would cry and cry and nothing worked, to say she looked frazzled would be a bit of an understatement, so I got up. What else would I do, I have never refused my help to anyone, though I am learning to not offer it as freely as I once did, nor reveal the extent of my knowledge of many things that come with age and experience, seems that it threatens some and makes them uneasy, intimidated and gives the impression that I am above everyone and know everything, nothing is farther from the truth, but I got the message.
Silence is golden, and I have returned to the art of silence on many things.
Taking the baby I would cradle him in the crook of my arm, motioning for her to sit and relax, I sent lily to prepare her some tea and some stew, advising her to stop by my wagon and in a specific jar there was a mix of spices and herbs, she was to put it in the bowl of stew. Lily as I expected obeyed without hesitation.
I would walk along the stream and even in the water rocking him gently listening to his cries, not as a mother but for the moment as a Haruspex, listen to everything, knowledge is often found in all things if you know where to look and how. My fingers would trail along his head feeling the soft tufts of hair that grew in abundance,the dark strands flowed along my fingers as if rivers of melted chocolate had spilled into my hand, the soft spot pulsating and throbbing with a vengeance as he screamed his heart out, my touch would glide along his face with a soft gentle caress, almost without my awareness I sang an old lullaby to him, it is rare I sing in public, not because I cant but because it is just not something I usually do I reserve it for clan events and time around my fires with my children when all enjoy music and laughter. After all tuchuks enjoy music, laughter and the love of life, I am no different I just do it with a bit more passion than some like.
Lily returned with the stew and gave it to the woman and then she stayed near in case I needed anything, the almost haunting melody hung in the air, the variation of tones and vibrations were rendered with a purpose as I walked with the little one, eventually he began to calm and his crying ceased, soon he fell asleep, he was as exhausted as the mother, I would smile gently to her as I sat beside her, she was crying and I did not understand why. She felt as if she had failed as a mother, this was her first son, and it seems the singing touched her heart, I should have warned her that often that was the effect, another reason I only use song for certain situations. Usually to calm, soothe or to let the heart speak, it is something profoundly personal for me. I explained to her that she was not a failure, the little one was only feeling her upset which transferred to him as she nursed him, I gave her some suggestions on how to keep herself calm, then got to the root of the matter and offered her some counsel, she visibly began to relax and listened. I would work with her to help her thru the first few hands, for some it is not easy or natural, but it becomes so as they learn small tricks that mothers have learned thru the ages, and have shared with al new mothers. I gave her back her son and I knew she would rest that night, she offered me payment for what I did, I told her if she felt the need to give me something then it would be what she felt was right. I do not ask for things, I have more than enough wealth to last me several lifetimes.
I watched her leave, and once more I felt that envy, I had hoped to one day have another child, it was something that was planned just the sky never let it happen. I think to the ones I lost before they were born and the ones that have died in various ways, the loss of children make you value the ones you do have alive even more,
I noticed Mezoo arriving, I quickly pushed back that wisp of a thought or hope that is just a ghost of a dream. I was curious as to what she was up to. I sat and talked with her for a while, I enjoy some of the discussions we have shared, she has some view points that mirror my own at times, and perhaps I see a bit of myself in her and it is that innocence and newness of life that beckons. She has at times helped me in ways I could not even express.
Ongel joined us swinging his caged vulo, he sat with us and shared that he lost his mate of one ahn, now I found this rather amusing. He seemed to recover very well, he was getting to keep his cock. Now that play on words just started a line of thoughts that was funny. He does have a sense of humor I have to give him credit he does make me laugh.
We shared some friendly banter and I was tossing a few stones across the stream, then moved to aim one better, as I stood in the water I failed to notice that the water was not as high as usual, I should have noticed that. I never miss anything, but I was distracted for a moment and the next thing I know a sudden rush of water came raging towards me knocking off balance, great another bath was my thought as I caught a glimpse of a bunch of mischievous boys that had been experimenting with damning up the water and you knew by their expressions they did not realize what they did, and they sure did scatter, after all would you piss off a Haruspex.
To my surprise that healer he moves damn fast, before I could blink an eye or even get wet I found myself pulled up suddenly against him, two things I became acutely aware of, I didn't want to, but damnation, how could I not, I dare any woman to say they wouldn't have noticed the warmth and strength of the arm about me. Or the scent that clings to a man that is of the plains, masculine is the only word to describe it. Not to mention that I can tell there is not one bit of fat on that warrior. I distracted my thoughts rather quickly, and there then came the teasing of how he rescued me from certain doom, and got his boots wet in the process. Well, I couldn't let my protector suffer so I offered to dry them out and polish them back up for him, and of course within that banter, he either owes me a meal.. or I owe him.. I am not exactly sure. So to take care of it, both of us owe each other one, yes, that was very fair. At least I thought so. Kudos to me, I was being very logical. Wasn't I?
Let's see who owes who and how we will arrange it. Wonder if he has the courage to venture into the lair of the white larl. I did warn him after all.
I sat down on the embankment and removed my boots and rolled up my leathers and let my feet delve into the water and felt it caress the flesh in a cool liquid touch, closing my eyes I let myself surrender to the currents letting it carry my thoughts and emotions. There were many of them beneath the surface, so many that I do not reveal or speak of, the depth of them truly unknown to everyone. I felt the sharp cut of loneliness slice thru my heart and soul. Letting my fingers worry the ground beneath them I tried to keep my thoughts and emotions in check. I have had more than an envar to get used to life without my mate. Many mistakenly think I am so strong and do not need anything. How I wish that was true. Unfortunately, it is not. But I have that really bad flaw of stubborn pride, I don't ask anything of anyone, for various reasons that have developed over time. That is the fault of Garyx, he brought things to me that I had long ago suppressed, he loved me no matter what. He showed me not to fear things I felt, but how to redirect them and think of them in different ways. He would talk to me not at me or above me or around me, he would listen and I do not mean hearing, he truly listened, sometimes picking up things of me that even I did not know of a situation or of myself. So many things that he did even without knowing it that allowed the softer side of me to flourish and grow, he forced out the demons that I could command with ease to build walls and isolation. The pain of that emptiness is sometimes unbearable, I am not entirely comfortable among so many falling in love and getting mated, not because I am against it, I am all for people having the courage to express emotions and share them with another and to find that strength and all encompassing feeling of the love of another, and if they are lucky to experience unconditional love. There is no power greater and nothing stronger or more enduring.
I am merely envious, a rare emotion for me, but I feel it just a bit, I find myself wishing I still had such a relationship. But, it is gone, snatched away in its youth, something that will never return, I have a hard time resolving myself to being alone, but I know that it is the path I now walk, I have locked my heart up, protecting it even though it struggles to be released sort of like a wounded animal. I try to build those walls back up but they will not remain in place. I have grown quieter than I used to be, only because of things I see and hear, I have yet to truly decide my fate, it leans strongly in one direction and it is one that few would think me capable of exercising. Too many things I see that are not right, but I remain silent, I have learned the harsh lesson on speaking of what I feel and think, see when you speak the truth you are on some level ostracized, I have felt this for a long time contrary to the words that a few speak that state other wise, to me actions and words must match, I have not seen such. My true thoughts would anger quite a few, which is why I remain silent.
My thoughts were interrupted by the footsteps of someone, someone in a hurry, an air of tension crackled about them as if they were ready to burst. So, I turned to look and saw a woman nearing me, with one look at her haggard expression I had a feeling she had not had any sleep for some time, in her arms was a crying baby, and not just crying he was doing that insane screaming that young babies do at a certain age, the type that cuts into you and no matter what you do it does not work. I remember those nights with a few of mine, your very patience is pushed to its limits and you want to pull your hair out. The first time I experienced it I was all of 18 turnings, what a rude awakening to parenthood. "You are Tarra? " she would ask, I would nod wondering who she was, " one of the other women sent me to find you they said you could help me."
I was curious as to who would send her and why, but I would listen as she spoke of how for the past few weeks of how irritated and upset she was,and the baby would cry and cry and nothing worked, to say she looked frazzled would be a bit of an understatement, so I got up. What else would I do, I have never refused my help to anyone, though I am learning to not offer it as freely as I once did, nor reveal the extent of my knowledge of many things that come with age and experience, seems that it threatens some and makes them uneasy, intimidated and gives the impression that I am above everyone and know everything, nothing is farther from the truth, but I got the message.
Silence is golden, and I have returned to the art of silence on many things.
Taking the baby I would cradle him in the crook of my arm, motioning for her to sit and relax, I sent lily to prepare her some tea and some stew, advising her to stop by my wagon and in a specific jar there was a mix of spices and herbs, she was to put it in the bowl of stew. Lily as I expected obeyed without hesitation.
I would walk along the stream and even in the water rocking him gently listening to his cries, not as a mother but for the moment as a Haruspex, listen to everything, knowledge is often found in all things if you know where to look and how. My fingers would trail along his head feeling the soft tufts of hair that grew in abundance,the dark strands flowed along my fingers as if rivers of melted chocolate had spilled into my hand, the soft spot pulsating and throbbing with a vengeance as he screamed his heart out, my touch would glide along his face with a soft gentle caress, almost without my awareness I sang an old lullaby to him, it is rare I sing in public, not because I cant but because it is just not something I usually do I reserve it for clan events and time around my fires with my children when all enjoy music and laughter. After all tuchuks enjoy music, laughter and the love of life, I am no different I just do it with a bit more passion than some like.
Lily returned with the stew and gave it to the woman and then she stayed near in case I needed anything, the almost haunting melody hung in the air, the variation of tones and vibrations were rendered with a purpose as I walked with the little one, eventually he began to calm and his crying ceased, soon he fell asleep, he was as exhausted as the mother, I would smile gently to her as I sat beside her, she was crying and I did not understand why. She felt as if she had failed as a mother, this was her first son, and it seems the singing touched her heart, I should have warned her that often that was the effect, another reason I only use song for certain situations. Usually to calm, soothe or to let the heart speak, it is something profoundly personal for me. I explained to her that she was not a failure, the little one was only feeling her upset which transferred to him as she nursed him, I gave her some suggestions on how to keep herself calm, then got to the root of the matter and offered her some counsel, she visibly began to relax and listened. I would work with her to help her thru the first few hands, for some it is not easy or natural, but it becomes so as they learn small tricks that mothers have learned thru the ages, and have shared with al new mothers. I gave her back her son and I knew she would rest that night, she offered me payment for what I did, I told her if she felt the need to give me something then it would be what she felt was right. I do not ask for things, I have more than enough wealth to last me several lifetimes.
I watched her leave, and once more I felt that envy, I had hoped to one day have another child, it was something that was planned just the sky never let it happen. I think to the ones I lost before they were born and the ones that have died in various ways, the loss of children make you value the ones you do have alive even more,
I noticed Mezoo arriving, I quickly pushed back that wisp of a thought or hope that is just a ghost of a dream. I was curious as to what she was up to. I sat and talked with her for a while, I enjoy some of the discussions we have shared, she has some view points that mirror my own at times, and perhaps I see a bit of myself in her and it is that innocence and newness of life that beckons. She has at times helped me in ways I could not even express.
Ongel joined us swinging his caged vulo, he sat with us and shared that he lost his mate of one ahn, now I found this rather amusing. He seemed to recover very well, he was getting to keep his cock. Now that play on words just started a line of thoughts that was funny. He does have a sense of humor I have to give him credit he does make me laugh.
We shared some friendly banter and I was tossing a few stones across the stream, then moved to aim one better, as I stood in the water I failed to notice that the water was not as high as usual, I should have noticed that. I never miss anything, but I was distracted for a moment and the next thing I know a sudden rush of water came raging towards me knocking off balance, great another bath was my thought as I caught a glimpse of a bunch of mischievous boys that had been experimenting with damning up the water and you knew by their expressions they did not realize what they did, and they sure did scatter, after all would you piss off a Haruspex.
To my surprise that healer he moves damn fast, before I could blink an eye or even get wet I found myself pulled up suddenly against him, two things I became acutely aware of, I didn't want to, but damnation, how could I not, I dare any woman to say they wouldn't have noticed the warmth and strength of the arm about me. Or the scent that clings to a man that is of the plains, masculine is the only word to describe it. Not to mention that I can tell there is not one bit of fat on that warrior. I distracted my thoughts rather quickly, and there then came the teasing of how he rescued me from certain doom, and got his boots wet in the process. Well, I couldn't let my protector suffer so I offered to dry them out and polish them back up for him, and of course within that banter, he either owes me a meal.. or I owe him.. I am not exactly sure. So to take care of it, both of us owe each other one, yes, that was very fair. At least I thought so. Kudos to me, I was being very logical. Wasn't I?
Let's see who owes who and how we will arrange it. Wonder if he has the courage to venture into the lair of the white larl. I did warn him after all.
I bite.
