There have been ripples in the air lately, something tugging and pulling, I think back to a discussion I had with Cana, I have had several with her that I have enjoyed, and one that troubles me, it reaches in and grips my heart and causes it to stop beating. I have felt much, but have said little because I knew that Fonce was helping her with the dreams.
I do not step into that arena, not because of inability of lack of knowledge,or lack of caring, but it is out of respect for him as a fellow haruspex. I would never overstep and take part in some thing without being asked to. That is not the ways of everyone but it is my way.
There are a few things that I will write at a later date, such as some events with Mezoo, I am thankful to have shared them with her and enjoyed it, but again, I did so only with Fonces consent, as he is her mentor. I have my own ways, I have my standards and I have a certain level of honor I value and respect. I give such when it has been earned, and it is not because he is clan leader, and it is not because he is a man. It is because he the person earned it.
Cana has requested my help with protecting her children, she explained the nature of the dream and what she felt could happen, I understood her fears, I also knew as a mother where she was coming from, are her concerns out of fear or out of true danger, that is not my call to make. What is my call is her request for help .I love her like my own daughter, so will I give it yes without hesitation. I did tell her I would talk to Fonce of it first, for I did not want to accidentally step into anything he was doing and cause a ripple effect of chaos and problems. Now, I also knew I would need help in this simply because of the magnitude of the protection needed, it was my thought to speak to Fonce to have Mezoo help me, nothing that would endanger her or drain her, but I knew I would need help.
Cana's concern was of what it might do to me and what she is exposing me to. None of that matters. The simple fact is I would die for her. I would do whatever it takes without concern to myself. And in truth it would not matter if my life was forfeit, a part of me is ready to go and has been. I believe I had validation of that tonight.
I went to the fires after completing the framework for what I had in mind to do what was asked of me. A few of those that have been gone have returned, Sahli lu, Jaella and Ash. Those are thoughts I will go back to elaborate at a later date. I watched and listened for a while, then I went to ask Fonce if I could speak to him.
Bad move.
Lesson one.. Never ask to speak to Fonce in public. Especially around women.
He said he would speak with me, I started to walk with him to take a step or two away from the fires and as I spoke to him of wishing to talk to the side, not because of some hidden agenda but because this was in a sense clan related, and unlike a few I never do clan things at the main fires. And it was very important to me and to another of this tribe. So to me this was important, the welfare of another whose confidence I would not break by speaking it before everyone. Now, Seveya, was quick to interrupt me not for anything of life shattering importance but to make it very clear, in a rather plain fashion that Yamka wanted to speak to Fonce and had been waiting. Now I never ask to speak to Fonce by the fires unless it is very important.
Well now blow me down with a storm of glass shards and take pieces of flesh out of me, who is she to interrupt me first of all, so that in and of itself irritated me to begin with,because that is one of those things that just irk the life out of me, I hate it, I consider it disrespectful, but to speak with an authority she does not have in making a determination of who talks to Fonce and when, well now that put me just a little over the top in the irritation department, and I will admit there was a part of me that wanted to turn and ask her who did she think she was? But I didn't, she is young, so maybe, just maybe I could excuse it.
Actually, no I couldn't, to me for myself it was just uncalled for, she should have listened and observed, but this was not the case, I was already disappointed in her, but now I am very disappointed and irritated, did I mention that I was just a bit more irritated bording of being rather furious?
I expected better out of her. I am sure she caught the look, I am not particularly happy, in fact I am just a bit pissed at the interference which then snow balled. Now it is a good thing to speak up for friends, when there is cause to do so, the skies know that those I care about I will step up and open my mouth when there is a need , that was the only reason I did not just rip up one side and down the other. So, I did what I felt was right, if Yamka had been waiting to talk to him and it was important, I would wait until another time. To me that was logical.
Lesson Two: Never try to be nice . . because it always will backfire
That should have been easy right? Oh hell no, take the needle out of my eye. Yamka decides to be demure and say she will wait, what the hell is that about, if you are waiting to talk and it was important enough to ask to begin with then damn well do it, considering another had to speak for her, so it better be freaking important, and of course as is always the case, Fonce gets irritated. Great.. just what I wanted. Just stick another blade in me.
Go figure, Fonce irritated at me again. Yet, another bad mark to add against me, add to the list of all the wrongs I have commited, just what I wanted. Someone just shoot me now and get it over with.
So now, no one gets to talk, well don't I feel all warm and fuzzy now, yep just like an over ripe rotten peach, and why does no one get to talk because he feels he is being jerked on a string like a puppet. That was not what I was doing, I was trying to let another have the time she sought and that is what I said. But was that heard. No, it wasn't which just irritated me a little bit more, I could feel the fury begin to nip at my heels.
Lesson Three: Don't think.. and just keep quiet. Otherwise there is miscommunication
Well, now I am truly just pissed off, go figure that one out. Does it matter, more than likely not, because I don't ask to take someone from the fires for idle chit chat. He said I could wait. Fine, I can wait, after all I have been waiting for quite a while actually and I told him as much. Yes, at that point I was irritated with him, not pissed off, but just irritated. Surely no one thought I would just placate him or anyone else. Hell no. Damn it, I have been trying for hands to speak to him of various things. Guess I have the bazi plague or something.
Fact is, now I will have to sit and figure out a new way to do what is needed. But I will figure it out, and is often the case I will do it alone. Slap me silly and toss me into the pits for thinking to have others involved. There is just now a bit of a delay by a day or two. I wanted to have Mezoo help me and even Fonce himself, but I wont involve her without his permission. What I need to do will overextend even my abilities. But, if it does then it does, for Cana it will be well worth it.
Lesson Four: Stay away from the main fires. You will get burned every time
I do not step into that arena, not because of inability of lack of knowledge,or lack of caring, but it is out of respect for him as a fellow haruspex. I would never overstep and take part in some thing without being asked to. That is not the ways of everyone but it is my way.
There are a few things that I will write at a later date, such as some events with Mezoo, I am thankful to have shared them with her and enjoyed it, but again, I did so only with Fonces consent, as he is her mentor. I have my own ways, I have my standards and I have a certain level of honor I value and respect. I give such when it has been earned, and it is not because he is clan leader, and it is not because he is a man. It is because he the person earned it.
Cana has requested my help with protecting her children, she explained the nature of the dream and what she felt could happen, I understood her fears, I also knew as a mother where she was coming from, are her concerns out of fear or out of true danger, that is not my call to make. What is my call is her request for help .I love her like my own daughter, so will I give it yes without hesitation. I did tell her I would talk to Fonce of it first, for I did not want to accidentally step into anything he was doing and cause a ripple effect of chaos and problems. Now, I also knew I would need help in this simply because of the magnitude of the protection needed, it was my thought to speak to Fonce to have Mezoo help me, nothing that would endanger her or drain her, but I knew I would need help.
Cana's concern was of what it might do to me and what she is exposing me to. None of that matters. The simple fact is I would die for her. I would do whatever it takes without concern to myself. And in truth it would not matter if my life was forfeit, a part of me is ready to go and has been. I believe I had validation of that tonight.
I went to the fires after completing the framework for what I had in mind to do what was asked of me. A few of those that have been gone have returned, Sahli lu, Jaella and Ash. Those are thoughts I will go back to elaborate at a later date. I watched and listened for a while, then I went to ask Fonce if I could speak to him.
Bad move.
Lesson one.. Never ask to speak to Fonce in public. Especially around women.
He said he would speak with me, I started to walk with him to take a step or two away from the fires and as I spoke to him of wishing to talk to the side, not because of some hidden agenda but because this was in a sense clan related, and unlike a few I never do clan things at the main fires. And it was very important to me and to another of this tribe. So to me this was important, the welfare of another whose confidence I would not break by speaking it before everyone. Now, Seveya, was quick to interrupt me not for anything of life shattering importance but to make it very clear, in a rather plain fashion that Yamka wanted to speak to Fonce and had been waiting. Now I never ask to speak to Fonce by the fires unless it is very important.
Well now blow me down with a storm of glass shards and take pieces of flesh out of me, who is she to interrupt me first of all, so that in and of itself irritated me to begin with,because that is one of those things that just irk the life out of me, I hate it, I consider it disrespectful, but to speak with an authority she does not have in making a determination of who talks to Fonce and when, well now that put me just a little over the top in the irritation department, and I will admit there was a part of me that wanted to turn and ask her who did she think she was? But I didn't, she is young, so maybe, just maybe I could excuse it.
Actually, no I couldn't, to me for myself it was just uncalled for, she should have listened and observed, but this was not the case, I was already disappointed in her, but now I am very disappointed and irritated, did I mention that I was just a bit more irritated bording of being rather furious?
I expected better out of her. I am sure she caught the look, I am not particularly happy, in fact I am just a bit pissed at the interference which then snow balled. Now it is a good thing to speak up for friends, when there is cause to do so, the skies know that those I care about I will step up and open my mouth when there is a need , that was the only reason I did not just rip up one side and down the other. So, I did what I felt was right, if Yamka had been waiting to talk to him and it was important, I would wait until another time. To me that was logical.
Lesson Two: Never try to be nice . . because it always will backfire
That should have been easy right? Oh hell no, take the needle out of my eye. Yamka decides to be demure and say she will wait, what the hell is that about, if you are waiting to talk and it was important enough to ask to begin with then damn well do it, considering another had to speak for her, so it better be freaking important, and of course as is always the case, Fonce gets irritated. Great.. just what I wanted. Just stick another blade in me.
Go figure, Fonce irritated at me again. Yet, another bad mark to add against me, add to the list of all the wrongs I have commited, just what I wanted. Someone just shoot me now and get it over with.
So now, no one gets to talk, well don't I feel all warm and fuzzy now, yep just like an over ripe rotten peach, and why does no one get to talk because he feels he is being jerked on a string like a puppet. That was not what I was doing, I was trying to let another have the time she sought and that is what I said. But was that heard. No, it wasn't which just irritated me a little bit more, I could feel the fury begin to nip at my heels.
Lesson Three: Don't think.. and just keep quiet. Otherwise there is miscommunication
Well, now I am truly just pissed off, go figure that one out. Does it matter, more than likely not, because I don't ask to take someone from the fires for idle chit chat. He said I could wait. Fine, I can wait, after all I have been waiting for quite a while actually and I told him as much. Yes, at that point I was irritated with him, not pissed off, but just irritated. Surely no one thought I would just placate him or anyone else. Hell no. Damn it, I have been trying for hands to speak to him of various things. Guess I have the bazi plague or something.
Fact is, now I will have to sit and figure out a new way to do what is needed. But I will figure it out, and is often the case I will do it alone. Slap me silly and toss me into the pits for thinking to have others involved. There is just now a bit of a delay by a day or two. I wanted to have Mezoo help me and even Fonce himself, but I wont involve her without his permission. What I need to do will overextend even my abilities. But, if it does then it does, for Cana it will be well worth it.
Lesson Four: Stay away from the main fires. You will get burned every time
