They say it is always the darkest before the storm, I think that this is very true as I stand and look over the devastation of the fire, there is no brilliant flowing color of the grasses swaying in the winds only the dark black velvet stubble of grass,instead of brightly colored wagons there was only the charred remains of them in different levels of destruction. It leaves me with only a sense of desolation and loss as I walk thru it. I had no choice but to find my way here. I had been resting for enough time and while I was not intending to do any work, I had to follow for something called to me.
With each step my heart and spirit was heavy and bleeding, I found it hard to breathe as I moved in familiar spaces of now and past. The emotions of the people are at an all time high and at an intensity that a few of us are having trouble with. Chulun has told me of two more that have broken down and become catatonic, one was young and one was old. Both are like me in certain abilities and powers and elements. I do not mind saying this feels me with a sense of unease and dread,and with the thought of will I be next.
I assured Chulun I was fine so the old man would not worry, but I was not, I felt the emotions puncture holes in my protective shields I erected about me. I felt them reach into my very being and wrap around me like a vice. It was as if it were my own pain, my own sorrow, my own hurt and anger. It raged thru me nearly knocking my legs from beneath me. But I had to continue I knew I had no choice I had to see I had to know.
The cries and screams would echo in my head with such a pulsating clarity that it felt as if I were there. I felt the tears flow down my cheeks I could not stop them, I felt the heart wrenching sobs rip from my chest with a fury that I could not stop. The burning of my skin felt as if I stepped into the eye of the inferno, it felt as if my legs were broken, missing, injuries that were not mine attacked me and clung to me as if seeking life. How is it possible they broke thru my barriers. Never has this happened. I can always protect myself, I can always keep myself separate.
Not today. Today everyone was a part of me, I felt the hopes of love and the loss of it, I saw it as if I were a spectator on personal dramas. I felt the unrequited desires and wants, I also saw the paths of lies and deceptions placed and manipulated in a way to make it look as if those that have created them are innocent when in truth they are not. I saw the depth of friendship and the mockery of it. I saw those that truly cared of others and those that only thought of their own wants and needs, there was so much that would bombard me that I fell to my knees and let my hands curl into the charred ground. I felt a deep primal agonizing scream rip from my very soul, it was as if everyone was funneling it thru me and it hurt, the pain was unbearable, I felt myself spiral downward towards the pit of insanity, the place the others have gone. I struggled to keep myself from joining them. I felt physically ill.
My hands moved along the ground as my body felt tortured and my mind felt as if it were being liquefied from the intensity of it, I was vaguely aware of feeling something light, soft and delicate beneath my finger tips, it was thru a haze of pain and tears that I saw my fingers touch a small flower that seemed to survive, it still was connected to the plains,it was still breathing life. I lifted it gently into my hand as I felt arms surround me and lift me from where I was laying, there was no way for me to get up on my own. Ulric knew me better than anyone, even myself. He said nothing, he did not need to, for he knew something was happening, he did not understand it, but he knew it. He lay me to my furs where I fell into a deep restless sleep. Various names and words would escape my lips as I tossed in the suffocating embrace of slumber,
Some time later I would awaken and move to sit on the platform. I was exhausted and wanted this to end. For the moment it was eerily silent, I knew it would not last. Ulric went to check on his mate and he went to help the elders take the spex that have died to the place we have set up for them. Some time later Silk neared and commented on it was good she would not have to look for me. I had to chuckle a bit, I am sure she was surprised to see me here, doing nothing. She checked the bandages and changed them and we spoke of various things. She was feeling better and eating.. I was glad to hear of this, she was not sure if my legs would scar or not or they did how bad. Great, just what I needed a few more to add to my collection. I already had one leg that I kept hidden under my leathers, there is a reason I wear certain clothing, it hides a lot.
I look better with clothes on.
With each step my heart and spirit was heavy and bleeding, I found it hard to breathe as I moved in familiar spaces of now and past. The emotions of the people are at an all time high and at an intensity that a few of us are having trouble with. Chulun has told me of two more that have broken down and become catatonic, one was young and one was old. Both are like me in certain abilities and powers and elements. I do not mind saying this feels me with a sense of unease and dread,and with the thought of will I be next.
I assured Chulun I was fine so the old man would not worry, but I was not, I felt the emotions puncture holes in my protective shields I erected about me. I felt them reach into my very being and wrap around me like a vice. It was as if it were my own pain, my own sorrow, my own hurt and anger. It raged thru me nearly knocking my legs from beneath me. But I had to continue I knew I had no choice I had to see I had to know.
The cries and screams would echo in my head with such a pulsating clarity that it felt as if I were there. I felt the tears flow down my cheeks I could not stop them, I felt the heart wrenching sobs rip from my chest with a fury that I could not stop. The burning of my skin felt as if I stepped into the eye of the inferno, it felt as if my legs were broken, missing, injuries that were not mine attacked me and clung to me as if seeking life. How is it possible they broke thru my barriers. Never has this happened. I can always protect myself, I can always keep myself separate.
Not today. Today everyone was a part of me, I felt the hopes of love and the loss of it, I saw it as if I were a spectator on personal dramas. I felt the unrequited desires and wants, I also saw the paths of lies and deceptions placed and manipulated in a way to make it look as if those that have created them are innocent when in truth they are not. I saw the depth of friendship and the mockery of it. I saw those that truly cared of others and those that only thought of their own wants and needs, there was so much that would bombard me that I fell to my knees and let my hands curl into the charred ground. I felt a deep primal agonizing scream rip from my very soul, it was as if everyone was funneling it thru me and it hurt, the pain was unbearable, I felt myself spiral downward towards the pit of insanity, the place the others have gone. I struggled to keep myself from joining them. I felt physically ill.
My hands moved along the ground as my body felt tortured and my mind felt as if it were being liquefied from the intensity of it, I was vaguely aware of feeling something light, soft and delicate beneath my finger tips, it was thru a haze of pain and tears that I saw my fingers touch a small flower that seemed to survive, it still was connected to the plains,it was still breathing life. I lifted it gently into my hand as I felt arms surround me and lift me from where I was laying, there was no way for me to get up on my own. Ulric knew me better than anyone, even myself. He said nothing, he did not need to, for he knew something was happening, he did not understand it, but he knew it. He lay me to my furs where I fell into a deep restless sleep. Various names and words would escape my lips as I tossed in the suffocating embrace of slumber,
Some time later I would awaken and move to sit on the platform. I was exhausted and wanted this to end. For the moment it was eerily silent, I knew it would not last. Ulric went to check on his mate and he went to help the elders take the spex that have died to the place we have set up for them. Some time later Silk neared and commented on it was good she would not have to look for me. I had to chuckle a bit, I am sure she was surprised to see me here, doing nothing. She checked the bandages and changed them and we spoke of various things. She was feeling better and eating.. I was glad to hear of this, she was not sure if my legs would scar or not or they did how bad. Great, just what I needed a few more to add to my collection. I already had one leg that I kept hidden under my leathers, there is a reason I wear certain clothing, it hides a lot.
I look better with clothes on.
