The air was filled with the familiar groaning and creaking of the wagons, I was happy to be back on the trail heading back home, the further we drove from the walls of Turia, the better I felt. Being among so many dwellers drains me to a degree, not to the point that it did when I was younger. But still to a certain extent it did, they have a very chaotic scattered energy. Unlike the people of the plains who have a more steady, calm energy that is for the most part open and a part of their own tribe and of the plains. There are a few exceptions to this. But that is true in any culture or place.
When we settled for the night, my youngest son had come to help me with a few things that I was working on. I am always working on something or doing something, I have come to realize that I have regressed back to some of my old ways, well a few in particular, Tanner and Garyx had managed to pull me from some of those habits, but since both are very definitely gone and each have both definitely cut a slice of my heart literally from me. I find myself often busy long before anyone is awake within the tribe and long into the night when I should rest. Now I wont say I never sleep or don't sleep because that would be rather foolish, my body as any healer knows would force me to sleep after a couple of days,it is something no one can fight. It is the body protecting itself, if you do not listen it will force you to. It would effect your level of function in some very intense and peculiar ways. But, I do not ever sleep well, I have not since Garyx died in my arms. It is interesting how I can sleep better when in the arms of someone that is a part of my life. I have adjusted sort of to being alone. I give the illusion of everything being fine, that I am capable of doing anything I put my mind to which I am to a certain degree, but no one sees the side of me that is hidden at night, the vulnerable side that feels much, sometimes feels much to deeply. I also can still at times see the visions of that battle that took my mates life, I have not shared how I knew where to find him, of what I saw. I sometimes think to go and speak to one of the men about what I saw, how do they handle the trauma of battle. But they would think me nuts, how could a woman know of these things, so I keep it to myself. There are times I can still see everything so clear that I could taste it and smell it. I can say this much, I never want to have to be in battle like that, I am glad I am a woman, what I saw literally took my breath away. I do not envy men, but I also see why they feel as they do about battle, I saw the enemy, the dark one. The one who has been lingering since we made this trail south before. I still have the blue arrow, the one Ayguili removed from my shoulder. One day, I will take care of that one. But not yet, I will know when.
I was lost in these thoughts for a moment when my son asked my if I had ever heard of the yellow pool of Turia. I was surprised by his question, and I would sit with him by the fire. I had heard of it, I have never seen it, but then I have never been inside the walls of Turia. I could see the curiosity in his eyes, I recognized that look it was one I often gave my father when I was young, and also to Chulun and Nasatai, when I was young I had an insatiable curiosity about everything and everyone, I was a sponge soaking up everything I could. So, I knew instinctively he was not going to let me off the hook. So I decided to share what little I did know of it.
"When I was young I had heard other speaking of this yellow pool. From what they told me it is inside one of the buildings in Turia, supposedly a very large chamber that has a domed ceiling that is very high from the ground. The pool is surrounded I think by a marble pathway," at his expression I had to chuckle, "I believe the dwellers have a love of this stone as they use it in a lot of things around their homes." His expression was one of disbelief, I never understood it either. "But anyway, they say the pool is circular in shape more or less. By Turian standards I have heard it is very beautiful and rumor has it that it could have once been one of the chambers in the famous baths of Turia. The room is decorated with exotic flowery designs, mostly in the colors of green and yellow, they say it was to represent the vegetation of a tropical river. They had also growing in the marble walk ways were plants that had large curling leaves, vines, ferns,that had woven within them exotic flowers."
I smiled as he listened intently, "The room is heated to such a point that it has been described as steamy. Around the pool there are eight columns, large in size and painted to resemble tree trunks, each one is placed in the same points as the cardinal directions of a compass. From these columns flowing across the pool are more vines, there are many of them, thick and entangled, some even just about touch the surface of the pool. Now the stories I have heard spoken speak of the pool as if it were alive, that it could sense you there," I saw his smirk and knew it thought it was just foolishness, but was it really, to many have spoken of it and of the same things for it to be a story of fiction. "The pool appears calm, but sometimes for a moment it is as if it moves and lifts itself in a slow ripple of movement. They say the liquid in the pool is yellow and that it sparkles as if filled with gems and if you look close enough you can see wound thru it ribbons of color , dotted with what looks like small sphere of colors, and that steam rises it from it intermittently. Perhaps it is breathing, " I would add and I was rewarded with a laugh from my son.
" I have heard tell that the liquid itself moves, and that it can make you feel both cold and burning sensations, as if eating your flesh. The liquid is thick,rubbery and gelatinous, I have heard that it can consume a man. I have heard tales of men fighting it and not surviving, they say that it lives, that deep within the liquid is an entanglement of life." I would smile to him and he laughed, finding it amusing, " You are joking aren't you mother." I would give him one of those smiles. "Am I?"
"Go ask your grandfather about it, he knows more of it than I do. I only know a few bits and pieces. " That drew his attention and he realized that there was some truth to the words of the Turians that there was such a thing as the yellow pool of Turia. But was it still there or not, no one really knew. At least no one outside of the city itself.
He then went off to play with some of his friends and I knew he would be seeking out his grandfather just to find out more, I then sat down to finish working on some ointments I had been for the last hand in the process of creating. I had bartered for some rare herbs and other things I needed, by doing a few readings, it is amusing to do add a bit of fluff and mystery to entertain the dwellers, ambience is often all they care about, they do not care of the readings themselves. It did not take much effort on my part, just a little play acting. And I could lay it on thick when I choose to, I can be anything I choose to be.
The question is. Who or what is the real me? Sometimes I feel as if there is a part of me fighting to emerge that had been lost all those turnings ago.
But when was I lost ?
Who was lost..?
And what would emerge if I dared to allow myself once more to emerge, to let go of the iron will control that I have had in place for so many envars, not even Garyx knew all of me and he knew far more than anyone, but he knew me better than anyone, including myself, sometimes a few of his words which I often thought odd at the time, made sense now.
I do not think the plains is ready for the real Tarra. For Hallena of the Tuchuks to return.
When we settled for the night, my youngest son had come to help me with a few things that I was working on. I am always working on something or doing something, I have come to realize that I have regressed back to some of my old ways, well a few in particular, Tanner and Garyx had managed to pull me from some of those habits, but since both are very definitely gone and each have both definitely cut a slice of my heart literally from me. I find myself often busy long before anyone is awake within the tribe and long into the night when I should rest. Now I wont say I never sleep or don't sleep because that would be rather foolish, my body as any healer knows would force me to sleep after a couple of days,it is something no one can fight. It is the body protecting itself, if you do not listen it will force you to. It would effect your level of function in some very intense and peculiar ways. But, I do not ever sleep well, I have not since Garyx died in my arms. It is interesting how I can sleep better when in the arms of someone that is a part of my life. I have adjusted sort of to being alone. I give the illusion of everything being fine, that I am capable of doing anything I put my mind to which I am to a certain degree, but no one sees the side of me that is hidden at night, the vulnerable side that feels much, sometimes feels much to deeply. I also can still at times see the visions of that battle that took my mates life, I have not shared how I knew where to find him, of what I saw. I sometimes think to go and speak to one of the men about what I saw, how do they handle the trauma of battle. But they would think me nuts, how could a woman know of these things, so I keep it to myself. There are times I can still see everything so clear that I could taste it and smell it. I can say this much, I never want to have to be in battle like that, I am glad I am a woman, what I saw literally took my breath away. I do not envy men, but I also see why they feel as they do about battle, I saw the enemy, the dark one. The one who has been lingering since we made this trail south before. I still have the blue arrow, the one Ayguili removed from my shoulder. One day, I will take care of that one. But not yet, I will know when.
I was lost in these thoughts for a moment when my son asked my if I had ever heard of the yellow pool of Turia. I was surprised by his question, and I would sit with him by the fire. I had heard of it, I have never seen it, but then I have never been inside the walls of Turia. I could see the curiosity in his eyes, I recognized that look it was one I often gave my father when I was young, and also to Chulun and Nasatai, when I was young I had an insatiable curiosity about everything and everyone, I was a sponge soaking up everything I could. So, I knew instinctively he was not going to let me off the hook. So I decided to share what little I did know of it.
"When I was young I had heard other speaking of this yellow pool. From what they told me it is inside one of the buildings in Turia, supposedly a very large chamber that has a domed ceiling that is very high from the ground. The pool is surrounded I think by a marble pathway," at his expression I had to chuckle, "I believe the dwellers have a love of this stone as they use it in a lot of things around their homes." His expression was one of disbelief, I never understood it either. "But anyway, they say the pool is circular in shape more or less. By Turian standards I have heard it is very beautiful and rumor has it that it could have once been one of the chambers in the famous baths of Turia. The room is decorated with exotic flowery designs, mostly in the colors of green and yellow, they say it was to represent the vegetation of a tropical river. They had also growing in the marble walk ways were plants that had large curling leaves, vines, ferns,that had woven within them exotic flowers."
I smiled as he listened intently, "The room is heated to such a point that it has been described as steamy. Around the pool there are eight columns, large in size and painted to resemble tree trunks, each one is placed in the same points as the cardinal directions of a compass. From these columns flowing across the pool are more vines, there are many of them, thick and entangled, some even just about touch the surface of the pool. Now the stories I have heard spoken speak of the pool as if it were alive, that it could sense you there," I saw his smirk and knew it thought it was just foolishness, but was it really, to many have spoken of it and of the same things for it to be a story of fiction. "The pool appears calm, but sometimes for a moment it is as if it moves and lifts itself in a slow ripple of movement. They say the liquid in the pool is yellow and that it sparkles as if filled with gems and if you look close enough you can see wound thru it ribbons of color , dotted with what looks like small sphere of colors, and that steam rises it from it intermittently. Perhaps it is breathing, " I would add and I was rewarded with a laugh from my son.
" I have heard tell that the liquid itself moves, and that it can make you feel both cold and burning sensations, as if eating your flesh. The liquid is thick,rubbery and gelatinous, I have heard that it can consume a man. I have heard tales of men fighting it and not surviving, they say that it lives, that deep within the liquid is an entanglement of life." I would smile to him and he laughed, finding it amusing, " You are joking aren't you mother." I would give him one of those smiles. "Am I?"
"Go ask your grandfather about it, he knows more of it than I do. I only know a few bits and pieces. " That drew his attention and he realized that there was some truth to the words of the Turians that there was such a thing as the yellow pool of Turia. But was it still there or not, no one really knew. At least no one outside of the city itself.
He then went off to play with some of his friends and I knew he would be seeking out his grandfather just to find out more, I then sat down to finish working on some ointments I had been for the last hand in the process of creating. I had bartered for some rare herbs and other things I needed, by doing a few readings, it is amusing to do add a bit of fluff and mystery to entertain the dwellers, ambience is often all they care about, they do not care of the readings themselves. It did not take much effort on my part, just a little play acting. And I could lay it on thick when I choose to, I can be anything I choose to be.
The question is. Who or what is the real me? Sometimes I feel as if there is a part of me fighting to emerge that had been lost all those turnings ago.
But when was I lost ?
Who was lost..?
And what would emerge if I dared to allow myself once more to emerge, to let go of the iron will control that I have had in place for so many envars, not even Garyx knew all of me and he knew far more than anyone, but he knew me better than anyone, including myself, sometimes a few of his words which I often thought odd at the time, made sense now.
I do not think the plains is ready for the real Tarra. For Hallena of the Tuchuks to return.
