Perhaps it is the various discussions lately with other women that give me a moment to think back on things, perhaps it is also just watching my daughters that once in a while push my thoughts back to the past. As it was I found myself thinking back to when I first felt the pangs of infatuation, the longing and what I thought was love. I was all of 15 envars, and well do not all young teenagers think they know everything.
My father had placed my nose ring himself, though I think with great trepidation, it was something my mother should have been doing, but she wasn't, she died giving birth to me, so all the burdens of my care and raising me fell upon him. It was not long after this that I felt I was just all grown up, a woman now. Yea, right, it is about the time we get to arrogant and cocky that we are knocked off that high pedestal right on to our backsides with a very hard thump. I was no exception to this.
Now, my sister Dina and I, we were very good at wagering with the outriders, although Dina she always seemed to win more often than I did she had this uncanny knack for being able to win, however, I was the better rider and I always won the racing wagers, our spars were about half and half though more to Dina's half than mine, she had a coldness to her even then that I never really developed until much later in life, and only because I had to. Only the strong survive. But see, I love my sister Dina more than anything, but even as a child she would always go for blood. Sometimes it bothered me to watch her, she was younger than me but she had this way of turning on and off her emotions and leave nothing but this cold empty space, it could cause a shiver to flow right thru me. I learned this skill eventually, though not by choice, and I never really was as good at it was she was.
It was about this time that one of the warriors fancied himself able to claim me, now that took audacity, this young foolish warrior felt he had what it took to persuade not only me but my father, as if my father was going to be easy to get around, You stand a better chance of surviving a stampeded of bosk than you do getting one over or around my father. The interesting thing is that at this time in my life I was still naive, tender hearted and I didn't have it in me to hurt his feelings as he sought me out and wanted my attention , he even got it in his head to shower me with gifts, this was not anything that really impressed me.
Now you know the elders of the clan,namely Nasatai found humor in this as I tried to figure out how to not hurt his feelings. See I fancied another warrior, there was one that I was just head over heels in love with. He was handsome, brave, honorable, or so I thought, and he had scars. There was just one catch to the whole thing, he did not even seem to know I was alive let alone even like me. The elders knew I had to learn this one on my own so they did not interfere. Unfortunately, although truth be told, would I have listened? more than likely not.
As the hands passed my father watched as I tried to extricate myself from the one, finally I gathered the courage to let him know I did not see him as a romantic interest but only a friend. I was in no hurry to mate, I was only 15 and had to focus on my clan lessons. He did not like this but understood, and he had over the turnings remained one of my best friends until he was killed by another warrior in a raid. Now see this is where fate kicks you in the ass when you are not entirely truthful, for I did want to mate, just not him.
Now, I did try to flirt with the other warrior, you know the one who didn't even know I was a living breathing woman, well, young woman, emphasizes on young. He had spoken to me a few times and you would have thought I had been given the world. Well, unknown to me, while he enjoyed my company to him I was only a child, just stepping onto that path of adulthood. He was already in love with another, and the way he delivered it was harsh and hurtful It was the first time I felt as if someone had reached into me and pulled my heart out and crushed it and stepped all over it. It was a feeling I would feel more than once in my life. But at that moment it was as if the world ended, that life ended. There was nothing more to live for, you have to love the drama of a teenager.
Sadly, my father was not sure how to handle this. I was his daughter, but still a woman with emotions that he was not ready to deal with in his own daughter. He tried as best he could to offer comfort. But, Kamchak was not known for softness. I remember that I cried for days in my wagon then would not come out for a few more. And when I did it was only go to the clan fires and study. I did this routine for a while until my sister Dina kicked my ass in the most literal sense.
She decided to start a fight, and she picked and pushed and prodded until finally I snapped and we got into an explosive fight that held a lot of anger, name calling and punches and scratches. When we wore each other out and were sitting there all bloodied and bruised and dirty. Dina just sat there with her bloody nose and fat lip laughing as if she were some hysterical vulo. At first, I thought her a bit touched in the head until I realized what she did. It took my younger sister to reach thru the emotion and shake me back to life, it was then that I sat there with my black eye and cracked lip started to laugh.
It was this sight that our father came upon. He did not say a word he just shook his head as he walked away. Secretly, he was glad it happened. For it had broken loose those emotions that I was keeping inside. And yet, he was secretly proud that we both could dish it out as well as we could take it. We did after all learn some of those techniques from him.
He just beamed with pride, for in his eyes we would never be weak or broken. In the turnings ahead we would come close to it. But it was this something he taught us that would never allow us to break.
Bend very far, but we would rise upward tall and proud again,swaying with the winds of life, beaten down but never for long for we would pull ourselves up by our boots and trudge thru the bloody pulp of life, ground into ash and dust but we would rise upward from the flames of life to emerge stronger.
As he always told us, we were Tuchuk women.
My father had placed my nose ring himself, though I think with great trepidation, it was something my mother should have been doing, but she wasn't, she died giving birth to me, so all the burdens of my care and raising me fell upon him. It was not long after this that I felt I was just all grown up, a woman now. Yea, right, it is about the time we get to arrogant and cocky that we are knocked off that high pedestal right on to our backsides with a very hard thump. I was no exception to this.
Now, my sister Dina and I, we were very good at wagering with the outriders, although Dina she always seemed to win more often than I did she had this uncanny knack for being able to win, however, I was the better rider and I always won the racing wagers, our spars were about half and half though more to Dina's half than mine, she had a coldness to her even then that I never really developed until much later in life, and only because I had to. Only the strong survive. But see, I love my sister Dina more than anything, but even as a child she would always go for blood. Sometimes it bothered me to watch her, she was younger than me but she had this way of turning on and off her emotions and leave nothing but this cold empty space, it could cause a shiver to flow right thru me. I learned this skill eventually, though not by choice, and I never really was as good at it was she was.
It was about this time that one of the warriors fancied himself able to claim me, now that took audacity, this young foolish warrior felt he had what it took to persuade not only me but my father, as if my father was going to be easy to get around, You stand a better chance of surviving a stampeded of bosk than you do getting one over or around my father. The interesting thing is that at this time in my life I was still naive, tender hearted and I didn't have it in me to hurt his feelings as he sought me out and wanted my attention , he even got it in his head to shower me with gifts, this was not anything that really impressed me.
Now you know the elders of the clan,namely Nasatai found humor in this as I tried to figure out how to not hurt his feelings. See I fancied another warrior, there was one that I was just head over heels in love with. He was handsome, brave, honorable, or so I thought, and he had scars. There was just one catch to the whole thing, he did not even seem to know I was alive let alone even like me. The elders knew I had to learn this one on my own so they did not interfere. Unfortunately, although truth be told, would I have listened? more than likely not.
As the hands passed my father watched as I tried to extricate myself from the one, finally I gathered the courage to let him know I did not see him as a romantic interest but only a friend. I was in no hurry to mate, I was only 15 and had to focus on my clan lessons. He did not like this but understood, and he had over the turnings remained one of my best friends until he was killed by another warrior in a raid. Now see this is where fate kicks you in the ass when you are not entirely truthful, for I did want to mate, just not him.
Now, I did try to flirt with the other warrior, you know the one who didn't even know I was a living breathing woman, well, young woman, emphasizes on young. He had spoken to me a few times and you would have thought I had been given the world. Well, unknown to me, while he enjoyed my company to him I was only a child, just stepping onto that path of adulthood. He was already in love with another, and the way he delivered it was harsh and hurtful It was the first time I felt as if someone had reached into me and pulled my heart out and crushed it and stepped all over it. It was a feeling I would feel more than once in my life. But at that moment it was as if the world ended, that life ended. There was nothing more to live for, you have to love the drama of a teenager.
Sadly, my father was not sure how to handle this. I was his daughter, but still a woman with emotions that he was not ready to deal with in his own daughter. He tried as best he could to offer comfort. But, Kamchak was not known for softness. I remember that I cried for days in my wagon then would not come out for a few more. And when I did it was only go to the clan fires and study. I did this routine for a while until my sister Dina kicked my ass in the most literal sense.
She decided to start a fight, and she picked and pushed and prodded until finally I snapped and we got into an explosive fight that held a lot of anger, name calling and punches and scratches. When we wore each other out and were sitting there all bloodied and bruised and dirty. Dina just sat there with her bloody nose and fat lip laughing as if she were some hysterical vulo. At first, I thought her a bit touched in the head until I realized what she did. It took my younger sister to reach thru the emotion and shake me back to life, it was then that I sat there with my black eye and cracked lip started to laugh.
It was this sight that our father came upon. He did not say a word he just shook his head as he walked away. Secretly, he was glad it happened. For it had broken loose those emotions that I was keeping inside. And yet, he was secretly proud that we both could dish it out as well as we could take it. We did after all learn some of those techniques from him.
He just beamed with pride, for in his eyes we would never be weak or broken. In the turnings ahead we would come close to it. But it was this something he taught us that would never allow us to break.
Bend very far, but we would rise upward tall and proud again,swaying with the winds of life, beaten down but never for long for we would pull ourselves up by our boots and trudge thru the bloody pulp of life, ground into ash and dust but we would rise upward from the flames of life to emerge stronger.
As he always told us, we were Tuchuk women.
