There is a sense of security of being back among those you know, and doing things that you are familiar with. I think this could be said of most people, but I know for me there is a sense of comfort in these things. I spend a great deal of time within the circle of my wagons, although only a few are in the circle mostly my personal ones and my children's and nestled within them in a specific spot is my private Spex wagon. I have finally organized it and cleaned it out, cleared out all the old stuff that is like dead wood, heavy and useless. I created new shelves and painted them and opened up the locked hidden alcoves within them that held my rare poisons, herbs and other things I have created, including the spider venom I have from one of the oldest of the spider people, Dina gave it to me long ago. Now I have studied this venom for a long time and have yet to figure out a use for it. While it has potential for healing it is rather unstable and dangerous because of what the venom itself does. One day I may find a use for this outside of the obvious use. These things are hidden in places that none could accidentally find,and locked not with a key but with a specific combination of tumblers created for me by a friend, this ensures that it remains locked unless I open it. I do this with purpose, to protect others and myself for I I would not want it on my conscience that something happened to someone or harmed them, even if it was because of their own actions.
I have repainted this wagon, the background is a shade of black velvet, shimmering in the light to capture and reveal the hidden shades of color within it, and at night it holds a mystery that is both intriguing and yet dangerous if ventured to close to. Similar to parts of me, the side to me that no one has really seen, yet glimpsed by one or two. The blackness embraces various designs of color, a variant of colors flow as if alive along its surface, symbols of intricate detail reveal the sky,the grass,the bosk, the water, and the blood of life. There are clan symbols flowing along the wheels and when they move it reveals a story to those of the clan in vivid detail of what is important to the tribe and the clan of how we together create so much and do so much. It is the subtlety of us that gives the most and reveals the most. Which is why those that do some things at the main fires will find that it will come back on them. It always does. To break certain rules by doing such will only bring the loss of what you could have been gifted with or of something you were to have but now you will never know. Sometimes we are aware of this and sometimes we are not, that is the mystery of things not known to us. Even those of us that are older we know if we do it, it will reach up and smack us even harder because we know better. There are no secrets from the clan. And there definitely are none from the sky. I have re-hung many of the wind chimes I have collected over the turnings along various wagons, one would think with all the ones I have they would be annoying but see each one has a specific tone and place and when the wind flows thru them they sing a soothing relaxing melody. Various amulets flutter along the wagon and various vines grow along it with holders hidden that when I am in the mood hold fire to create a living breathing entity around the spex wagon. Ambience is everything in all things we do.
It is as this wagon during the dark of the morning while the moons yet glow but are fading that I create amulets and talismans for at a certain time and during a certain phase the power and energy is at its best for certain spells and purposes of the talisman. Just as at night during a certain time when the moons are at a certain point and phase, other talismans are created and rituals performed for them.For some time I have not ventured far from the wagons, lately I have begun to venture out more than I had been, but the reasons I do not are personal, they have nothing to do with anyone but myself. It is here I can bury myself in work and know that very few would know how hard I push myself.It is here that my day is often interrupted by others seeking a reading, or a specific type of healing or counseling. And while I suspect that Oreah and Chulun have been sending a few young ones to my wagon with certain questions, I think it is they wish for me to teach certain things but they know I have been staying away from the clan, the reasons they know also. And for now I know they are silent but I doubt it will last long.
When I do venture from the circle towards the main fires, sometimes I do not linger long and sometimes I linger longer than I anticipate. I have had time to sit with Cana and speak with her,her words turn about within my head and I am glad to hear that Fonce is helping her, this is something that I think he is better at. Each know I am here if they need me, there are a few things I will do for her to help in other ways, but in ways that do not interfere with what he is doing. There were a few things she mentioned that gave me some pause and concern, I have been meaning to talk with him about it, but it seems our paths have not crossed long enough to sit and talk of this or some of the clan things I wanted to speak to him of. All happens in the time that it is meant to. Cana is like a daughter to me, I will always be there for her, and I think she knows this, I shared my thoughts with came from my heart. We spoke of various things,people and situations,sometimes I am surprised at how much we think alike on some things and yet on others we are different, but that is what I find interesting and fascinating, what she thinks of things and why. I think she knows I will still worry about her, and she knows I will definitely share with my father that his little tabuk may need a shoulder.
I have also spent a lot of time with Mezoo, I have had some interesting discussions with her also. I enjoy listening and watching, I enjoy the different take on some things she has, sometimes similar to mine and sometimes very different, and I find it interesting. Enough that I want to ask questions and know things. I have come to treasure the time I have spent with her. I look forward to not only sharing things with her as she is allowed to know them, but also to share the time not as a spex but simply as a woman. Just like with Cana there is much I look forward to knowing and sharing. There are a few I have enjoyed sitting and speaking with sharing the time with.
It was during a discussion with two people that I noticed how interpretation and perception can lead to misunderstanding of thoughts.
How easy it is for the assumption of defensiveness to be seen where there is none.. to see that it is not always understood that you speak of growth and strength. Not change. . . But that is another moment in time that I have not yet been able to place down on paper.
I have repainted this wagon, the background is a shade of black velvet, shimmering in the light to capture and reveal the hidden shades of color within it, and at night it holds a mystery that is both intriguing and yet dangerous if ventured to close to. Similar to parts of me, the side to me that no one has really seen, yet glimpsed by one or two. The blackness embraces various designs of color, a variant of colors flow as if alive along its surface, symbols of intricate detail reveal the sky,the grass,the bosk, the water, and the blood of life. There are clan symbols flowing along the wheels and when they move it reveals a story to those of the clan in vivid detail of what is important to the tribe and the clan of how we together create so much and do so much. It is the subtlety of us that gives the most and reveals the most. Which is why those that do some things at the main fires will find that it will come back on them. It always does. To break certain rules by doing such will only bring the loss of what you could have been gifted with or of something you were to have but now you will never know. Sometimes we are aware of this and sometimes we are not, that is the mystery of things not known to us. Even those of us that are older we know if we do it, it will reach up and smack us even harder because we know better. There are no secrets from the clan. And there definitely are none from the sky. I have re-hung many of the wind chimes I have collected over the turnings along various wagons, one would think with all the ones I have they would be annoying but see each one has a specific tone and place and when the wind flows thru them they sing a soothing relaxing melody. Various amulets flutter along the wagon and various vines grow along it with holders hidden that when I am in the mood hold fire to create a living breathing entity around the spex wagon. Ambience is everything in all things we do.
It is as this wagon during the dark of the morning while the moons yet glow but are fading that I create amulets and talismans for at a certain time and during a certain phase the power and energy is at its best for certain spells and purposes of the talisman. Just as at night during a certain time when the moons are at a certain point and phase, other talismans are created and rituals performed for them.For some time I have not ventured far from the wagons, lately I have begun to venture out more than I had been, but the reasons I do not are personal, they have nothing to do with anyone but myself. It is here I can bury myself in work and know that very few would know how hard I push myself.It is here that my day is often interrupted by others seeking a reading, or a specific type of healing or counseling. And while I suspect that Oreah and Chulun have been sending a few young ones to my wagon with certain questions, I think it is they wish for me to teach certain things but they know I have been staying away from the clan, the reasons they know also. And for now I know they are silent but I doubt it will last long.
When I do venture from the circle towards the main fires, sometimes I do not linger long and sometimes I linger longer than I anticipate. I have had time to sit with Cana and speak with her,her words turn about within my head and I am glad to hear that Fonce is helping her, this is something that I think he is better at. Each know I am here if they need me, there are a few things I will do for her to help in other ways, but in ways that do not interfere with what he is doing. There were a few things she mentioned that gave me some pause and concern, I have been meaning to talk with him about it, but it seems our paths have not crossed long enough to sit and talk of this or some of the clan things I wanted to speak to him of. All happens in the time that it is meant to. Cana is like a daughter to me, I will always be there for her, and I think she knows this, I shared my thoughts with came from my heart. We spoke of various things,people and situations,sometimes I am surprised at how much we think alike on some things and yet on others we are different, but that is what I find interesting and fascinating, what she thinks of things and why. I think she knows I will still worry about her, and she knows I will definitely share with my father that his little tabuk may need a shoulder.
I have also spent a lot of time with Mezoo, I have had some interesting discussions with her also. I enjoy listening and watching, I enjoy the different take on some things she has, sometimes similar to mine and sometimes very different, and I find it interesting. Enough that I want to ask questions and know things. I have come to treasure the time I have spent with her. I look forward to not only sharing things with her as she is allowed to know them, but also to share the time not as a spex but simply as a woman. Just like with Cana there is much I look forward to knowing and sharing. There are a few I have enjoyed sitting and speaking with sharing the time with.
It was during a discussion with two people that I noticed how interpretation and perception can lead to misunderstanding of thoughts.
How easy it is for the assumption of defensiveness to be seen where there is none.. to see that it is not always understood that you speak of growth and strength. Not change. . . But that is another moment in time that I have not yet been able to place down on paper.
