Something speaks . . .

The darkness seemed alive, it swirled and flowed as if it were made of some thick viscous liquid, shimmering and pulsating as if it were breathing and thinking. I could feel it circle around me , closing in but yet it did not touch me, it wanted my attention. But why it was here I do not know.

I could feel a warmth around me as if its breath were whispering along my skin in a sensual caress, it sent shivers thru me, not of fear but of something else, that I could not quite define, or maybe it was I didn't want to define it.

I did not really want to look deep into it, but yet a part of me felt compelled to, I could not fight whatever lure it was that was pulling me, it felt as if something vaguely familiar reached out and grasped my heart and emotions and was trying to ignite them into existence once more. I could have told it that this would be impossible, the day that Garyx was taken from me was the day I ceased to be, I am alive because I am Tuchuk and taking my own life is unthinkable, but also because of our son, I live to see him grow into a grown warrior. A part of me is under lock and key and only one had the key to me.

As much as I tried to fight I could not, I found myself embracing this dark shroud that seemed to be offering something, I felt no fear as I found myself cradled within it, almost as if it were holding me and protecting me, I have not felt that sensation in a very long time, and I found that it was almost to painful to breathe, as old memories and emotions rushed to the surface.

It was in this moment I found myself needing to be free, this was not a path I was ready to go down.These feelings and memories, I was not ready to look at, it was like re-opening a wound, However, my usual strength was failing me as I could not put as much into it as I usually could, I knew the reasons why, and before I could offer myself another thought, suddenly I heard , "Tarra," the tone was familiar and it rushed thru me and wrapped about me, it was that warning tone that Garyx used to give me when I was working to hard or if I was treading on the edges of getting myself in some sort of trouble.
I instantly stopped my struggling and looked around almost expecting to see him, but I did not see him where I was, but I could see a shadow of movement and for a moment I saw a glimpse of vibrant intense green eyes, I knew those eyes, for they have in the past shown not only the true depth of love but also the pride and respect that he often gave to me, and occasionally that look of anger that spoke volumes of the trouble I was in, the mischief that would dance in them when he was planning something for me. So many emotions and thoughts were in those eyes. Why was I seeing them and why was I hearing him?

"Garyx," I would whisper softly, feeling long buried emotions rise up and gather in my chest, and before I could say more or go further, I suddenly came awake with a start, I could feel my hair cling damply to me and I knew that I was only dreaming once more. I sat there for a while in thought, not sure why he was in my thoughts and dreams lately, but I knew it had to have some meaning the question was what.

Suddenly I got up and quickly dressed and rebraided my hair, taking from the box of treasured things the hair tie made of his hair and braided leather, along it was beads of my clan and his, with a larl tooth and herlit feather on the end I secured it in my hair just behind my ear. I gathered a few things and stepped out of my wagon. Mist Runner was already there waiting, and I mounted him and left my circle of wagons and headed for the moment away from the camp. Ulric stopped me and asked what I thought I was doing, he knew by the set of my jaw and the look I gave him, that I could not explain, he muttered beneath his breath something about those damn haruspexes as he got his own mount and motioned to a couple of his men. Seemed I was not going out riding alone. Not that I really expected that I would.

Following whatever it was that was calling to me, I knew I had to ride out on the plains, something was out there calling to me...

The question that had me uneasy... just what was it that was waiting for me?

The embrace of restlessness

The night finds the tentacled fingers of restlessness dancing along my spine, poking, prodding and pushing. I try to ignore it by finding work to occupy my hands and mind which is not difficult, there is always something to keep me busy. It seems for so long since I have not been doing something, I know I have lapsed into some of my old ways since the death of Garyx. From the moment I leave my furst and dress, I am busy, moving and creating or teaching or just doing old fashioned work, until the sky is once more shrouded in a blanket of black velvet and my mind and body is to tired to really do anything other than sleep.

There are times when I watch the youngest son learn the ways of his clan that it is almost painful and eerie as his eyes touch upon me, they see more than is realized even by him, he has his fathers eyes, that vibrant green, the intensity of them, some times it cuts so deep I swear my heart and soul are bleeding. But, my love for him manages to find away around that and love him and guide him. He will never doubt the love that not only I have but what his father had for him as well. Garyx would be proud of him, I know this as surely as I live and breathe. He even has a hint of that wild hair tendency there as well.

I am proud of our youngest son, but then I am proud of all my children no matter where they are.

The fire crackles and hisses near me as I sit weaving a basket, it occupies my hands but not my mind, my mind wanders and travels, so many dreams have invaded my sleep. It is as if something or someone is calling, I can not see clearly thru the murky liquid shadows. I hate these types of dreams, they reveal very little but yet I always know they have a deep and profound meaning or message. A figure moves about, seemingly lost but yet knows without knowing where it is going or trying to go, I can not tell if it is male or female. Yet I see a slimmer of an amulet within the shadow, I can not see it clearly, yet I know it is familiar, I see the dark braided hair entwined within the leather, I can almost capture a scent of blood, not from a wound but from a ritual. The dream each night changes, some times the figure is still as if pensive and in thought, other times it is as if its hand has lifted and motions for me to come. But go where, I can not see where this figure is. What it is.. or what it means.

It is the first time I cannot travel as a dream walker or shadow walker, I know instinctively that these ways will not reveal anything, but what will. I feel as if something is pulling me, but to where and who.

I will have to meditate more on this to get an idea of what I am to do. What I am to seek, I only know it is too strong for me to ignore.

A whisper of something catches my attention. To my surprise it is the herlit that had always been with Garyx, it used to watch over me, I have not seem him in many moons now. But yet there he is, sitting on my spex wagon as if to say, here I am did you miss me. I swear that damn bird is almost smiling, but of course that is not possible,

Then just as fast he spreads his wings and flies around me making noise and then takes off across the plains.

Could it be a sign to follow?