In the stillness

There is a stillness that has not been upon the plains in a very long time. Even the laughter of children seems softer not as exuberant, I have been listening to the winds of late, imprisoned in the enclave with the elders. Not that I really mind, what is out there for me to tend to. My mate has long been dead, I have not sought another I learned very quickly that the men of the tribe like those that are young,malleable and do not know the bonds of loyalty or love. If that is what our men have become, I am better off alone.

Family has all but become extinct.

Freinds are fair weathered freinds, they betray, manipulate and lie. And smile in your face as they do it. And yet knowing how you feel they push the blade deep into your back and turn it to slice up your heart until it bleeds profusely.

Children, they grow up and start thier own lives, independent and seperate from you, just as it should be. A male child earns his name when he can master certain things, some say it given by age but this is not so. Some grow up never mastering what they are to and remain without a name into adulthood.

Tribe, many have lost sight of what it means. There is no such thing any more and there has not been for a long time, we have become only a living faded memory of a glory that can never be recaptured and of a greatness lost. Old ways and traditions tossed aside and laughed about in favor of what is claimed to be the new ways, those are the ways of slaves and dwellers. Not tuchuks.

I begin to wonder if the epitaph has been written.

I have watched so many Ubars come and go in my life time. I have watched so many things over the many turnings I have lived, and I have shared in the joys,trials, failures and triumphs. But yet to those that are about I know nothing and have experienced anything, they think only they have felt the slap of fate. Truth is, they have yet to experience the things that truly make you or break you, only a couple can I say know just how harsh the life of a tuchuk is.

But, what I see now, in truth I am not sure this is a part of the plains I wish to reside in any longer. I cant be apart of something that is not true, embrace those that have no idea what it means to be tuchuk or tribe. I also can not follow what is not right or true just to say I walk to the same beat of the drum as you. I do not.

I walk the path of a haruspex, I have been born one I did not chose it chose me which is how it should be, I know the old ways, I am not flamboyant or flighty nor do I act like a slut in heat when bored or want attention. I do not play one man against another, or brother against brother, woman against woman. I do not go after a man when another has an interest, because a freind and tribe sister or brother would not do these things. I have been a daughter, a sister, a mother, a grandmother, a woman and a mate and a freind and advisor, a healer, a teacher and when need be a killer. So many things I have been I could not even tell you how to define me, because you could not. I am flawed, I am stubborn, I am fearless and I am generous and passionate. I can be vengeful if you harm what is mine, I will close you out when you lie and hurt me, rarely do you get a second chance, to me the worst thing you can do is lie and manipulate there is no honor or courage in it. But this is me. Not others.

When you cut the tapestry threads it unravels, when it unravels you cease to be.

This is why all the elders are not seen.

This is why there is silence.

This was seen so many moons ago in a dream. But no one listened. I was told I did not know anything and they went to another. They were told what they wanted to hear, by another that was popular and everything they felt I was not. Is it not sad that they had to learn that they were told wrong. A tribal sister asked why I did not correct them. The answer was simple they had to learn for themselves, every step a person takes leads them towards a path that awaits them I can only guide and teach, sometimes the teaching requires knowing when to let another find thier way themselves and to let things be proven to them naturally. I am only me, I dont bend my will for anyone, I am a part of everything and everyone.

Perhaps now, those that were blind will see , those that were deaf will hear. And to those that recalled my words, now you understand I speak true.

I still stand . I am still here. I have been long before you and so I shall remain long after you.

You know how to find me if you have the courage. If you dare. The mantle needs to be picked up. I can see who it is. But I will not say. They will come to me. then we shall see.